10 Dumbest Things In Star Trek: The Next Generation
9. The Transporter: The Next Generation — The Anything Machine Gets Even Sillier
The transporter was put to some ludicrous hijinks during the original and animated series, but The Next Generation beamed things to another level.
In “Unnatural Selection,” Dr. Pulaski is exposed to antibodies from a group of children with highly advanced immune systems. This has the unfortunate consequence of altering her DNA and causing the good doctor to age rapidly. To solve this medical crisis, the crew takes a bit of Pulaski’s DNA from a hair follicle from a hairbrush and hastily modifies the transporter to filter out the DNA changes. A few bleeps and bloops later and not only have the changes to her DNA been fixed, but Pulaski is returned to her exact physical appearance before the whole ordeal. Forget plastic surgery, next time, try the transporter.
In “Second Chances,” we learn that a "tech-the-tech" transporter accident created an exact duplicate of William T. Riker eight years previously. Forget cloning; now all you need to do is step into a transporter beam and, with the right circumstances, an exact duplicate can be created at your current age with all of your current skills and experiences.
“Rascals” ups the absurdity ante with a transporter accident that turns Keiko, Guinan, Ro, and Picard into children, but with all of their adult memories intact. Dr. Crusher determines that if they do nothing, the four will mature until adults normally. Properly exploited, the transporter could be used as an immortality machine. Any time you want to return to adolescence, hop into the transporter and your youth is restored with all the memories and experiences of a lifetime. And there’s no evidence that you couldn’t do this again and again.
In “The Next Phase,” a transporter accident puts Ro and La Forge out of phase with the rest of the universe. Yet, while they can runt through walls and people like Casper the Friendly Ghost, they don’t fall through the floors, they can hear and see everything, and they evidently have plenty of oxygen to breathe, but remember, it’s just a show, you should really just relax.