Television networks are not exactly the most patient of beasts: if a show isn't working, they have absolutely no hesitation in ripping it from the airwaves before it costs them any more money that it already has. And yes, there's a negative side to that: how many fantastic shows have we lost just because their networks didn't give them enough time to find their audience and cultivate a dedicated fan base? Too many. Regardless, the plain fact of the matter is that we have been saved from experiencing so many terrible shows, because of the brave networks quickly and painlessly excising shows from their lineup before they can hurt anyone again. Some shows are so bad they don't make it beyond their first season, but the real crimes against the television-viewing public are caught within a few episodes of their premiere, or before they're even aired. So let's take a moment and thank the networks, who often cause us so much pain, but who are occasionally the unspoken heroes in getting truly horrible shows off the air.
12. Osbournes Reloaded
After Ozzy Osbourne and the rest of his clan of hilarious grotesques had set the world alight with their profane, deliriously funny "reality TV show," someone decided that the best way to take advantage of their newly boosted profile, and keep them in the public eye was to give them a variety show, which has never been the answer to any question worth asking ever. The show, which was originally and appropriately called Osbournes: Loud And Dangerous, was to feature comedy sketches, stunts, celebrity cameos, live action audience participation and live musical acts and would have included taped parody skits often featuring Ozzy in drag playing such characters as Audrina from The Hills and Juno. How did anyone not think that was the best idea ever? The show was also going to make Ozzy and Kelly get real jobs for a segment, and a Littlest Osbournes section that borrowed liberally from British entertainment duo Ant & Dec. Inevitably, the show lasted just one episode, which itself was cut from the planned hour to just 35 minutes, which was still enough to earn it a lashing from critics.
Audrey Fox is an ex-film student, which means that she prefers to spend her days in the dark, watching movies and pondering the director's use of diegetic sound. She currently works as an entertainment writer, joyfully rambling about all things film and television related. Add her on Twitter at @audonamission and check out her film blog at 1001moviesandbeyond.com.
