1. Being Human (UK)
They all went to the park and then they had some ice-cream and then zombies came out and then they all died. That sentence you just read, my friend, not only describes a more coherent plot than the actual final episode of Being Human, but its also superiorly written. The shows premise is about a vampire, a ghost, and a werewolf that live together in the same house. It was a pretty clever show for a while, with the vampire portrayed like a recovering drug addict, the werewolf as friendly yet highly self-conscious about his condition, and the ghost as someone who struggled with no longer being able to perform everyday actions or change her clothing. It was witty, well-written, and superbly acted, with the first three series providing some great character exploration along with the discussion of what it actually means to be human as the characters struggled with their personal plights. Series three finished with the introduction of The Old Ones, a group of ancient vampires alluded to since the first series, but now they wanted to take over the world. The vampire main character (spoiler) falls off the wagon and massacres a train full of people, resulting in his friend killing him, and the series finished with the werewolf and ghost promising the Old One that theyd do anything in their power to stop these ancient vampires from taking over the world. The events of series four took place around one year later, explaining that in the gap between series the werewolfs wife was murdered and hed dedicated his life to murdering vampires. A bunch of irrelevant stuff happens and series four ends with the werewolf dead and the ghost passed over to the other side (after a soul-crushing anti-climax). But now we get to the point. Series five, the final series, had no reason to ever be made. The main characters were dead, as were the villains, so thats a pretty good time to stop, no? Apparently not, as series five began with a new werewolf, vampire, and ghost (introduced mid-way through the previous series) but living in the same house as the previous trinity had, which is important. The final series has the Devil living in a local hotel, trapped in the body of an incontinent, disabled old man, somehow able to pay for his room despite him clearly being unable to work and his only power (due to his weakened state) being to whisper in peoples ears and convince them to commit suicide. That flaw would of course be acceptable if the series compensated for it, yet that is sadly not the case. Its said the Devil gets his powers from conflict between vampires and werewolves, so he had been left powerless since a truce was made between the two peoples hundreds of years earlier after they magiced him into a human body.
Nothing happens in the series until the penultimate episode, where the vampire and werewolf main characters have a brief fist fight and the Devil is subsequently restored to full power, apparently because they only live around the corner from him so he was close to the conflict. But hang on... the devil was supposed to have been living in that hotel for about sixty years, so why didnt the masses of conflict between vampires and werewolves in the previous series, when each race murdered members of the other on a regular basis, cause the Devil to get his power back? Oh, shut up? Ok then. Some inconsistencies can be tolerated we suppose, it is fiction after all. So the Devil gets his power back and the vampire and werewolf instantly make-up, though somehow that doesnt take the Devils powers go away again but whatever, maybe it takes a while to wear off. So within three minutes the Devil causes everyone in the city to commit suicide apart from the three main characters and... Hang on! I thought the Devil could only do that by talking straight to them? Oh well perhaps he projected his voice across the entire city and somehow the main characters were the only ones not to hear him for reasons. Right, so putting all that aside, lets move on and try to appreciate the rest of the episode. The Devil makes his way to a local broadcasting station so he can send his message of suicide all across the world (because apparently theres a small broadcasting station in Wales that has the power to override every television in the world) and subsequently initiate the apocalypse. Obviously that would mean all the vampires and werewolves would be dead though, so hed be left utterly powerless and stuck in his body, which would return to its incontinent state, leaving him lying on the floor in his own excrement for all eternity, because apparently his body is incapable of dying of old age. Lets skip a bit because describing every flaw will take too long. In short what happens is the heroes arrive to stop him and he sends them separately into their own imaginary world designed specifically for them, a utopia where they have everything they ever wanted. The Devil explains that, if they let him take Earth, they can live in their versions of paradise without worrying about anything every again. And then... sigh... and then the vampire says no, but explains EXACTLY what Satan should have done if he wanted them to agree, which would be to put all three of them in a perfect world together. They then supposedly return to the real world (but anyone with half a brain would have figured out they havent really returned) and stop the Devil. Afterwards they go back to their house and Satan turns up again in a new body, giving them the chance to kill him once and for good. What takes place is a badly written scene where Satan has numerous chances to kill them all but doesnt, giving the heroes the upper hand and resulting in his death. Following the Dark Ones demise, the ghost realises shes solid, and the wolfmans scars are gone suggesting he is no longer a werewolf. So were left to assume the vampire is cured too and we can move on, right? No, of course not. We have to endure a three minute scene where vamps slowly walks towards a mirror, dramatic music playing in the background, and oh my God what a shock he has a reflected hes cured. Its possibly the most patronising scheme in television and whoever wrote it deserves a smack. Blah blah blah and the three go sit on their living room sofa, talking about how everything is perfect and theyre so happy. Vamps is then asked where his utopian world was and he replies, Somewhere a long way away. But it didnt have you two there. I told him he should have put us together, that it was incomplete without you two. The girl smiles and says, And here we are. They then smile and carry on watching television. WHAT?! These are supposed to be intelligent characters, yet they pretty much say to each other, This is perfect, its as if it is a dream made by some omnipotent being, and they
still dont figure out the world theyre in is an illusion. As an additional kick in the teeth the camera pans over the mantelpiece where a little origami figure made by the Devil in the werewolfs dream is placed next to a picture, abandoning the shows final shred of subtlety. It was like the episode was written by a four year old autistic child, unable to understand that his audience have a mind or that a shows plot actually has to make sense. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwHYJ286Z1Y While the other shows on this list had disappointing endings, the finale to Being Human was a downright embarrassment, closer to badly written fan fiction than part of the real show. Personally I pretend the final two series arent canon, as that way I can pretend the show wasnt thoroughly George Lucased, but the fact those later episodes exist is a constant sickening fact eating away at the fond memories I have of the show. It is beyond all doubt the worse finale to anything ever, making all the others on this list look like works of genius in comparison. The whole episode is actually on YouTube, so you can watch the last ten minutes there (I strongly advise against wasting time with the full thing) if you want to appreciate just how awful it is. It would be literally impossible to write a worse ending than the one Being Human had, but are there any show finales you think we should have included on this list? Share in the comments.