8 TV Shows That Owe Their Longevity To Boobs

The key to every long-running television show in the history of the medium is, above all else, consistency. Why is Days of Our Lives still on the air? Because although it delivers ridiculous, trashy, mostly meaningless storylines (there's no such thing as real death in soap operas, only the opportunity for a "shocking" resurrection later on), it delivers it with consistency.

So while shows like Community and Dead Like Me had to scrape and claw for every season (and often every episode) to be put on the air because of their unusual storytelling sensibilities, a show like The Big Bang Theory is bound to run on an endless network broadcast for all of eternity because it found an easy formula to replicate, and is more than happy to deliver the same familiar product over and over. The easiest formula to ensure a long and prosperous run? Insert boobs. Aaaaaaaand repeat. That's it.

That's the simple key to success that a solid handful of the longest-running television shows in history have latched onto. Some of those shows, however, may have taken that notion a bit too far, deciding that this element would be the utmost priority, seemingly filling up their production crew with dozens of lighting experts (to better accentuate the bazooms) in lieu of a writing team. Because no one cares about the stories or properly-worded dialogue when they're staring into the warm embrace of boobies, apparently.

8. King Of Queens

For those unaware, King of Queens was another sitcom in the proud tradition of Sloppy, Immature Guy Is Somehow Married To Motivated, Super Hot Woman. It's basically Everybody Loves Raymond, but with a sexier leading lady and a fatter leading man. If Kevin James' forays into movies has proved anything, it's that a gross number of people are willing to sit down and watch a cheap Jack Black imitation drone on for 90 minutes so long as they eventually get to see him fall on his face in a hilarious manner.

So cut down the runtime to a third and slap it on TV with a nice piece of eye candy by his side? There's your explanation for King of Queens success. It's not that the show wasn't occasionally funny (it did feature Jerry Stiller and Patton Oswalt, after all), but the degree to which it went out of its way to plod out every irritating trope in sitcom history only to be countered with "and now here's a shot of Leah Remini's bountiful cleavage" was just downright insulting.

Also, if it counts, having Lou Ferrigno's equally bountiful bosoms show up as a regular for six seasons helped distract women from the fact that most of the male cast was made entirely of heavy cream.

7. V.I.P.

I think we can safely place any show starring Pamela Anderson on this list, considering that even her sexiest movie, Barb Wire, was an utter failure at the box office, and that came out only a couple of years before she started on V.I.P.

That can only mean one thing: The viewing audience knows they can get great breasts and a decent story at the multiplex, so there's no reason to choose between one or the other. But sometimes home viewers have to make that very difficult decision and, according to Ms. Anderson's track record, they're totally cool with getting their "stories" from their erections. V.I.P. lasted four seasons despite the plot of every single episode being "fake bodyguard Pamela bumbles another investigation, but her boob almost pops out so it's all good."

The budget on leather pants and latex jumpsuits probably cost the production company a fortune. Speaking of which, it's been rumored that the only reason this show was cancelled after a fourth season is because the production company went bankrupt. So there you have it. There is a cost to making boobs the "face" of your show.

6. 2 Broke Girls

We need to do a little exercise here. Raise your hand if you watch 2 Broke Girls on a regular basis. Great, now cover your obvious erection with your other hand and slap yourself in the face with the raised on. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO TELEVISION?

If it wasn't for all the blatant racism, lazy sexual references, and general lack of punchlines, there wouldn't be much of a show. Well, actually, there would be a show, but it would be one of the lamest softcore porn serials you've ever seen.

The constant presence of Kat Dennings heaving bosoms is supposed to mask the shrillness and obnoxious cluelessness of everyone involved, but even her ample chest couldn't possibly hide those deficiencies for five-plus seasons! ...Can it?

5. Star Trek: Voyager

To say that Star Trek fans disliked Voyager would be like saying Garfield isn't the biggest fan of Mondays. The series was wholly uninspiring, with lead characters who were, at the best of times, as bland as could be. It lacked the adventurous swagger of the original series and the groundbreaking accessibility of The Next Generation.

It was more like the common police procedural than audacious sci-fi television. But what it lacked in charm or originality, it tried to make up for with boobs. Now, sure, there was nothing more reliable in Next Generation than the presence of Deanna Troi's liberal cleavage, but Voyager really kicked things up a notch with Jeri Ryan in a skintight outfit that would make Kate Beckinsale's character in Underworld blush.

It's not just that Voyager prominently featured a huge-breasted woman, it's that she came onboard the show at the beginning of Season 4 as an obvious attempt to boost ratings among the coveted 18-35-year-old male demographic. And it clearly worked well enough to save the show from cancellation for a few more years.

4. Married...With Children

Raunchy humor and bleak depictions of a miserable everyman, Married With Children may have initially caught on with home audiences because of its unique, darkly comic attitude, but as the show progressed, its teeth were worn down into nubs...and turned into mammaries. The first couple of seasons, the sexiness was just as inauspicious as its leading man.

But by Season 6, entire episodes were centered around trips to the strip club or hiring a new shoe saleswoman because of her lavish rack. And that's nothing compared to how often they started showcasing Christina Applegate's assets, while making sure to keep Katey Sagal's tops as low-cut as censors would allow. If the show had remained truer to its black comedy core, there's no doubt it would have been shoved off the air well before it completed seven seasons.

But by making Al Bundy a more family-friendly curmudgeon and increasing the number of classic sitcom elements (yeah, that includes toeing the line of "tasteful cleavage"), it was able to join the ranks of Frasier and Cheers as one of the longest-running sitcoms in American television.

3. True Blood

It's pretty much a mandate that every series on HBO or Showtime features an ample helping of bosoms. But some of those shows steamroll their way right past the quota and aim for the high score. One of those shows is the vampire "drama," True Blood.

Armed with a cast of beautiful who want nothing more than to either kill or have sex (or, occasionally, both at the same time), True Blood seeks to answer the question "What would the Underworld movies be like if Kate Beckinsale had sex with all the monsters?" How long would a show like this last without all the constant sex? It's hard to say. Certainly there just as many, if not more, straight women who watch the show than their male, heterosexual counterparts (which is why True Blood is an equal opportunity genital shower).

But it's undeniable that HBO has reeled in a large number of the male audience in love with the possibility of seeing Anna Paquin and Lizzy Caplan's breasts fluttering about.

2. Spartacus

It should just be assumed at this point that any cable TV show set in Ancient Rome is going to feature a whole lotta nudity. And based solely on historical accuracy, it would be unfair to suggest the show-runners cut down on the sex scenes just because it feels gratuitous in modern times. But it's also totally fair to believe producers of the show are using historical context as a crutch for delivering weak, increasingly thin stories each week.

Unlike the eerily similar Rome (or even I, Claudius, a short-lived BBC production from the 70s), Spartacus never pretends to get those other aspects of its period right. No, its focus is entirely on the savage violence and excessive sex, which are not just Spartacus' bread and butter...they're the whole damn sandwich. It was rare for a character to wear clothes at all, even if the scene was taking place in a public forum where yes, even Ancient Romans would put on a concealing toga or tunic.

But hey, at least it wasn't gender biased. There were plenty of dongs being flaunted about in most episodes, as well.

1. Baywatch

A show about lifeguards at a resort beach lasted for 11 seasons. Wrap your head around that. Baywatch was on the air for 11 !*$% seasons. That's longer than Friends, Smallville, Scrubs, The Love Boat, All In The Family, Everybody Loves Raymond, How I Met Your Mother, The Office, The X-Files, 24, and Seinfeld.

That's more than Twin Peaks, Firefly, Arrested Development, Freaks and Geeks, and Deadwood combined. And sure, Baywatch had to last at least 100 episodes to reach syndication (where it thrived during its afternoon time slot because of that key Pubescent Boys Faking Sick To Get Out Of School demographic), but they would have reached that in five seasons.

So what about those other six seasons of television that were produced without the scantest of believable or even semi-functioning plot lines? Are you telling me there was really a desire to watch all of these lifeguards do decidedly un-lifeguardian things while fully clothed? (Every episode in the 8th season has something to do with stopping drug smugglers, or jewel thieves, or...mermaids.)

The plots were secondary. Baywatch kept people returning because it was forthright with its silliness and never shied away from the fact that this was a show about beautiful people running around on the beach in slow motion. Also, whenever ratings started to dip, they'd simply bring in some guest boobs (Jenny McCarthy, Daisy Fuentes, Hulk Hogan) to help keep things afloat.

If you really think this show didn't last as long as it did because of the hot bodies, just take a look at the abysmal spinoff, Baywatch Nights, which pretty much exorcised every instance of bare skin in favor of a more "serious" tone. It lasted only two seasons.