First of all I'd like to start with an apology to anyone who was expecting this review to be up this morning, especially my editor Matt, but I have to blame the BBC. There I was, having watched Mastermind and idly flicking through my EPG for something else to watch when lo and behold! My stack of Apprentice recorded episodes showed 3 Episodes, 2 watched. Huh? Had I missed one? Checking, I found to my chagrin that this week's episode had aired yesterday, Tuesday! I was not prepared, and so I have had to fall almost a day behind in getting the review done. So apologies for the delay, but blame Auntie Beeb! Why did they change it? Is it because of tonight's match? But I don't see any coverage of that on the BBC. A mystery, indeed, but a very annoying and inconvenient one. Anyhoo, enough whining: what's done is done and can't be undone. Let's get on with the review, shall we? Seems this week Lord Sugar has had the workmen in and they've managed to pry open his wallet, with the result that the candidates are off to foreign shores. I can only remember this happening twice in the series --- unless you count Scotland! --- when they went to France to sell cheese and went to Morocco on one of those treasure hunts his Lordship seems to enjoy so much. This is another such treasure hunt, and this time it's to sunny afluent Dubai the kids are going. When they get the word, some of them can't believe it and think it's a joke made by the person who took the call, but when it becomes apparent it's no joke, Luisa is torn as to which bikini she should bring! I don't know why she thinks she's going to get a chance to lie on Dubai's famous golden beaches: this is a one-day trip and you and I both know that the candidates are going to spend most of that day running around looking for things, half of which they probably won't recognise. There seems to be only one person to lead Endeavour, and that's Zee. Well, as he says himself, he did live in Dubai for several years and he knows the locality. He'll know how to get the best bargains, but best of all, he'll know what all these odd little things are that the others have no clue about. Score! Mind you, Leah, who has been moved from the other team by Lord Sugar, is anxious for the job of PM too, but she's outvoted and then Zee dismissively tells her to put away the map of Dubai she's consulting: he knows the place like the back of his hand! He also looks at his watch rather pointedly while she's making her pitch for PM, which I feel is very rude and demeaning. Outvoted, she decides to take leadership of the subteam, much to Zee's annoyance, but he lets it go. Now it's time to look at the list and display his vast knowledge of all things Arabic. The items are all required for tomorrow's grand opening of one of the famous Waldorf Astoria hotels, so they only have the one day to get them. Evolve have no such local leader, and Myles takes the reins. It's fairly obvious that the best prices are going to be attained in the markets rather than the big malls, so they split up and half go to each place. Jordan has a very strange comment, when he says the key is to ask everyone's advice, but "don't take it back to fifty thousand feet"? Did I miss something? What in the name of sanity is he talking about? Back on Endeavour, Zee tells his not-quite-rapt audience that a kandura is a traditional white dress, an oud is a perfume and a falcon hood is, well, a hood for a falcon. They begin ringing around for likely appointments, relieved of the burden which still afflicts their opposite team, that of determining just exactly what some of these items are. And so it's time to hits the streets. Zee tells Leah to take her team to the local market, the Souk (sounds like a character out of True Blood!) rather than go to the mall, and himself goes to the huge shopping centre. Leah, however, has her own ideas and decides to reroute the car to ... the mall. As they arrive, Zee rings her and asks where she is, and when he finds out she's "disobeyed his orders" he tells her to go to the Souk, as she was told. He is obviously no fan of women in control, as he wants to speak to Neil when Leah won't agree to go back to the markets, but that's where they end up going. Leah snarls "I would have been a better PM", and it's clear she's still stinging from being outvoted. Myles negotiates for one of the items, a palm tree plant, but not wishing to talk to the boss of the shop only gets a slight reduction on it, which does not impress Karren. She can't understand why he didn't go higher in the chain of command and try to get a better discount. Meanwhile, Zee orders the flag of the United Arab Emirates, supposed to be six foot by four, and looking to Kurt for the dimensions he's told, "twelve centimetres in a foot, yeah?" Oh dear God no! These kids can't even convert metric to imperial measurements! Disaster looms. Funny as Leah's subteam make their way through the market to see all the shopowners and passersby watching the cameras with stupid grins on their faces, only short of waving. Ah yes, the BBC is in town! Funny too as Alex, our vampire friend, is offered fresh Viagra and does his country proud by declaring "I don't need any of that: I'm from
Wales!" Ah, you can just hear the male voice choir starting up in appreciation and pride, can't you? Things however are not going so well on the treasure hunt, as Endeavour search for Arabic coffee pots, ouds and so on , while on Evolve Jason is so focussed on his task that he almost knocks down a small child in the mall! That's it Jason! Business is cut-throat: no room for the ones who amble along and won't step aside! So what if he's only nine? He'll learn a valuable business lesson today. Over at the flagshop, (not not flagship!) Myles and his team are waiting for their UAE flag to be made, but Zee, having booked in advance, gets in ahead of them. One tiny problem: their flag is about a third of the size it should be, because Kurt doesn't know the difference between inches and centimetres! Interestingly, Zee greets this total setback philosophically: wonder if he would be as forgiving if it had been one of the girls who had made the error? Neil meantime uses his abrasive negotiating tactics to drive down the price of the kandura, though it's pretty obvious the trader only dropped the price because Leah was smiling at him. Can't blame him: she
is super-hot! Myles's subteam meanwhile waits for their flag. And waits. And waits. Time is slipping away, but when it's finally ready and he asks for a discount for the delay, he has no chance as he's already handed over the money beforehand: rookie mistake. Now he has no leverage. Leah's subteam have started to worry that oud is not, after all, a perfume, as Zee insisted it was. They find there is an
oudh that is a perfume, but this is not that. Alex loses his temper with his PM at his refusal to accept he has got it wrong, while Jason, Jordan and Luisa are still "doing research" at the mall, without having bought anything other than the kandura. Zee's subteam goes to buy the potted plant, but he pretends that this is the first order of a larger one, and asks for the manager, thereby getting the plant for much less than expected. Jason plays on the "traditional Arab generosity" to score a decent price on the coffee pot, while Zee has to pay twice for the two flags he now has to buy, the proper one and the useless smaller one. Evolve's other subteam finally get the information that the oud is a musical instrument, like a lute, not any sort of fragrance, and actually Jordan drives a hell of a bargain for it. Darkness falls, and the deadline is approaching. Zee, for some reason, thnks they might get a falcon hood in, um, a garden shop! Time has run out, items delivered and the candidates are on their way home, each with several items not located, which as always will incur a financial penalty and be added to their eventual total. Back in jolly old England, in the not so jolly Boardroom, performances are appraised. Lord Sugar is not happy to hear how badly Zee did, considering he was supposed to have all the local knowledge, but he's also not impressed with Leah's whining about her PM. He's beefed up his repertoire of jokes though --- he mentions that if Zee were to go out to buy twenty camels he might come back with a packet of fags, and notes that due to his inabiity to distinguish one measurement from another, Kurt might well call his Project Manager Kilometres! Nice one, Lord S! Geddit? Myles. Miles. Kilometres... Oh I give up. Zee accuses Leah of being no use to the team and of being completely pessimistic, while Karren reports that Evolve's subteam spent a lot of time in the mall trying to find out what the items were without actually buying anything much. Karren also points out that after the
debacle with the flag, the fact that Myles had paid upfront left him in a very weak position. Nick has bad news for Endeavour, telling them that the kandura they bought was not the traditional version, so is added to their fines. As a result of that, Evolve are the winners. The battle lines are drawn between Zee and Leah, but even when she attempts to apologise he very rudely rebuffs her. He is, to be completely fair to him, a total misogynist. He seems to think women aren't even worth talking to or giving any of his no doubt valuable attention to. When they reconvene in the Boardroom Zee annoys Leah more by putting his hand in her face, again very dismissively and rudely. He proves his disregard for women when he brings in Leah, as expected, but surprisingly lets Kurt off the hook and takes in Natalie. Amazing. They could have lost the task over the mis-sizing of the flag, and that was entirely down to Kurt, if you accept that nobody else on his subteam challenged his measurements. In the private conversation before the three are called back in, Natalie looks to be in the firing line. Lord Sugar mentions that he told her he would be keeping his eye on her, but when they come back in --- Zee letting the door almost hit Natalie in the face, rudest I've seen yet in nine seasons of the Apprentice --- he questions why the PM did not bring Kurt back in. Natalie accuses him of chauvinism, which is a valid accusation, and not suprisingly the two women close ranks. Lord Sugar is not impressed that Zee is being accused of gender bias, but can see for himself there is some basis for it: as Leah points out, both Neil and Kurt could have been brought in with him but were allowed off. The boss is however impressed with Zee's business record, but not with his personality, his arrogance and his general manner towards people. Lord Sugar is also not impressed with Natalie's "I want this more than anything", to which he responds "Yes, I'm sure". He's heard it all before and like most of us he's probably sick of hearing the same thing. Once again though, as it looks like the axe is going to fall on Natalie, Lord Sugar decides it's at Zee's feet that the blame for the loss of the task lies. He was supposed to know Dubai, he was a bad leader and more to the point, I'm sure Lord Sugar has been shaken by the accusations of sexism against him, and it's the natural successor to Napoleon who gets his marching orders. Lord S has harsh words for Natalie before she leaves, tears in her eyes, telling her this is her very last chance. I'm glad to see that neither of the girls shake Zee's hand or say goodbye to him even. He does not deserve the courtesy. It's left to Nick to pronounce Zee's fitting epitaph: "A man whose mouth outran his ability". And so say all of us. What surprised me I must say was that all through the day in Dubai Zee, a supposed local, never once spoke the language, that we saw. While the other team tried to get their point across by gestures and slow talking, surely Zee should have had the edge by being able to talk to these people in their own tongue? But I never saw him do it, not once. Sell sand to the arabs? Don't think Zee could sell oxygen to astronauts! So that's the last fight we'll zee (sorry) him having with another of his team, but to be honest up to this week he was just funny, a little pathetic at times. This week, for me, Zee revealed what he truly is, or appeared to be: a sexist bully who blagged his way through tasks and then refused to take the blame, and threw women to the lions while saving his male team members. We don't need his kind on this show, and I for one am very glad he's gone. Again, my apologies for the delay in getting this review published, but had I known the show was to be broadcast a day early I'd have had it up this morning. Guess I'll have to make sure to watch the TV schedules in future! But why a day early and not a day late? If they'd shown in on Thursday... Oh well, answers on a postcard please... See you on the next task!