TV Reviews: RINGER, Sarah Michelle Gellar's New Show Is A Dud
Ok, let’s get the schoolboy tittering about Ringer’s title out of the way early doors and instead focus on the less amusing fact that Sarah Michelle Gellar’s much-anticipated return to the small screen is an out-and-out dud.
Ok, lets get the schoolboy tittering about Ringers title out of the way early doors and instead focus on the less amusing fact that Sarah Michelle Gellars much-anticipated return to the small screen is an out-and-out dud. There is so much that is awful about the first episode of the former Buffy and Cruel Intentions stars new vehicle that its difficult to know where to begin, but lets start with the tired, predicable, seen-it-all-a-hundred-times before plot, which is as follows: There are two identical twin sisters, Bridget and Siobhan. Bridget, we are informed through some bone-shakingly clunking exposition, is a former addict who saw a crime-boss committing a bloody murder and is now in witness protection. Siobhan on the other hand has a seemingly perfect life: a rich husband, holiday house in the Hamptons and a drawer full of invitations to the best parties in town. Then, apparently on a whim, Bridget flees the witness protection program and goes to visit her sister whom she hasnt seen for six years. The two sisters meet up and the director has a little fun showing us some fancy complicated mirror shots where SMG talks to SMG, before completely destroying any artistic credibility he may have built up by cutting straight to a scene set on the most obviously studio-based speedboat youve ever seen in your life. Then Bridget falls asleep on the speedboat and when she wakes up her sister is gone, leaving behind only a diamond ring inside an empty bottle of pills. So naturally Bridget takes the only course of action open to her - she decides that shell steal her dead sisters life. 
This is where the show starts to unravel, because Bridgets decision just doesnt stack up - the key, crucial premise of the whole vehicle is explained away by Bridget simply saying I felt like I didnt have a choice. Bridget claims she has no choice because shes got the police and the mobster after her, but theyre both only after her because she fled the witness protection program (when she absconds the crime-boss for some reason gets let out of jail) - so it makes far more sense that shed return to the Witness Protection scheme and mourn her sister. At no point leading up to Bridgets life changing decision have we ever been given a real sense of the jeopardy or hopelessness of her situation, or anything credible that may give us an insight into the mentality behind her life-changing decision, so her decision just seems ridiculous and unnecessary. For a drama based on such a tired idea to work at all, you have to be rooting for the protagonist, yet Bridgets inexplicable decision drives her away from the viewers sympathies, not towards them. Instead you find yourself (quite reasonably) asking why Bridget doesnt simply report her sisters death, return to the witness protection program, testify against the mob boss and attempt return to her normal life - in the hands of a good writer and director that could actually make quite an interesting show. But instead Ringer heads down a well trodden path of cliche and faux-suspense thats ridiculous from its very inception. Im all for suspension of disbelief, but the show asks us to make a massive leap of faith based on the flimsiest of evidence - something we could perhaps forgive if our faith was rewarded, but sadly it quickly becomes clear it isnt going to be. So anyway, following a decision that came from nowhere made for no real reason, Bridget now assumes her sisters life in New York, a life which is conveniently peopled by characters who say things like: I know you didnt forget out about our meeting because I saw you write it down in your orange book (leading, of course, to Bridget discovering the orange book that conveniently tells her all about her sisters social schedule). Actually, lets just talk briefly about the script, which is so full of cliches, predictable occurrences and bad dialogue that - oh forget it actually, its depressing me just writing about it, lets just get back to the story and get this over with. Right, so Bridget is now Siobhan and in a plot twist straight from Bad Screenwriting 101, it turns out that, shock horror, Siobhans perfect life isnt so perfect after all - her marriage to a stuffy unloving Brit (played by Ioan Gruffudd) is a sham, her step-daughter has been expelled from boarding school (presumably for looking about ten years older than all the other kids) and shes having an affair with her best friends husband. And then she finds out shes pregnant! - except of course she actually isnt. Cripes Bridget, we ask ourselves, how are you going to cope with all this? Well it turns out we dont have to worry as Bridget is surrounded only by characters who are too dumb to realise that she isnt Siobhan - yep, even the FBI agent who doesnt pick up on at least three massive hints that she gives him, even though he knows her incredibly well from the witness protection program. The programme drags on a little longer with these boring set-ups before ending as it began - with Bridget being pursued around a Manhattan loft by a masked man, whom she eventually kills only to discover that the man was after Siobhan all along. And then the show plays its big twist and, let me just say now, if you didnt see it coming youve either never watched a TV show in your life or youre in need of urgent medical attention. 
Well there you have it, thats pretty much Ringer episode one - a show so unnecessary and dumb you could screen it on CBeebies and it would still be an insult to its audiences intelligence. Its lazy, predictable, dross that drains your spirit as you watch it. Films and TV shows based on this premise have been done so many times before, and so much better, that there really is no excuse for Ringers existence. Its not that its just bad, there are plenty of bad TV shows out there, its that its depressing too: the type of shows that make it to our TV screens tell us a great deal about how Hollywood producers view their audience, and based on the evidence presented by Ringer you have to conclude that these producers view us as barely-sentient cretins who are happy to watch anything that drools onto their screen as long as its got the pretty girl from Buffy in it (and god help us, they may even be right). TV Shows are meant to be entertainment, but there is nothing entertaining about Ringer - the characters are cardboard cut-outs, the direction is far too serious for such a ridiculous premise (and yet still fails to create any semblance of suspense or tension), and the majority of performances never rise above the level of phoning it in. There nothing new or inventive about the show, and even as mindless entertainment it fails because theres literally nothing in there to entertain - and despite my rantings I actually wanted to enjoy this - which is not only a waste of money and talent, but a real shame. Yet perhaps the greatest shame about this whole debacle of a show is the potential damage it might do to the reputation of Sarah Michelle Gellar. She is a talented actress (indeed her performance is pretty good despite the deficiencies of the script) who garners a great deal of goodwill from her many avid fans - quite why shed want to get involved in a project that will surely only drive them away in droves is a mystery far more compelling than anything Ringer can come up with. Ringer aired in the U.S. last night and will continue on CW every Tuesday. It airs in the UK on Sky Living soon.