10 Absolutely RIDICULOUS Wrestling Theme Lyrics

4. Rob Van Dam - The Whole F'N Show

SELF MADE
Impact Wrestling

'ROB VAN DAM! THE WHOLE F*CKIN' SHOW!'

Honestly, it is a bit badass, that opening. For about ten seconds; the squalling guitar riff and bonehead dumbf*ck shouty vocals, at least, encourage the crowd to rant along. It sets the mood. Listening to this ten seconds of caveman braying is effective.

And then, it invites derision with what at first seems like a roll call of RVD's repertoire. 'Van Daminator...Van Terminator...Van...Krushinator?

That was the name of the band. The misspelling of a made-up word conveying a machine that f*ckin' crushes, dude, explains everything. And then:

'Van Assassinator!'

Were the assorted members of Krushinator each 14 years of age, high on their first toke? This would explain their reimagining of RVD as your first-ever SmackDown Vs. RAW CAW.

A chair shot straight to your brain / Straight to your skull crack / You...erm...can't stop the chair to your brain! / Straight to your skull crack!

Honourable additional TNA mention: AJ Styles - AJ Styles (I Am)

'When I fight, it's not evil / Just like bein' Evel Knievel / I just to the left and roll to the right / Just tryin' to the win the belt every night'

That last line sums up his 2017/18 WWE run, if nothing else.

Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!