1. Vince Talks To Himself Online Like A Crazy Old Man!
In August 1998, Vince McMahon took part in an online question and answer session with WWF fans via AOL chat. The process took around twenty minutes, with McMahon proving an engaging respondent under the name WWELive2, answering questions from as many of the 5,000 people logged in as possible: replying to Is Sid coming back? with I hope not, and ribbing Paul Heyman, Bret Hart and Bob Backlund, amongst others. The full transcript of the session can be found here, and its well worth a look if youve got the time. However, technical issues left McMahon suddenly alone and without anyone to chat with for the final ten minutes, and the results became comedy gold for future generations to marvel over. WWFLive2: We're temporarily frozen, stand by. WWFLive2: We're coming back up, stay with me. WWFLive2: I guess we have too damn many people wanting to talk to Mr. McMahon. WWFLive2: What the hell is going on anyhow?? WWFLive2: This is supposed to be interactive but right now it's a one way street. WWFLive2: You might even call it the HIGHWAY TO HELL!. In which case, in a role that is unfit for me, likely I would be deemed the devil. WWFLive2: Hang on everybody, we're still frozen, god it's cold in here. Can we say shrinkage? WWFLive2: While we're down, I predict that all of my predictions are likely to be verified this Monday on RAW. Can you believe that the Undertaker drove off with his brother Kane in a hearse last Monday. I understand they were last seen on Route 95 heading North. WWFLive2: Can somebody at AOL please wake the hell up? Is all of America trying to talk to Mr. McMahon? WWFLive2: We're back, finally! WWFLive2: No we're not back. WWFLive2: Why the hell is AOL frozen? WWFLive2: Damn it, I want to talk to you people. WWFLive2: More importantly, I want to listen to you. WWFLive2: But to answer most of your question, I'm feeling fine! WWFLive2: It's nice that everyone is so concerned with my health and mental wellbeing. I didn't know so many people cared. WWFLive2: You see while this damn thing is frozen, I can fantasize all I want. Which brings me to Sable. Wow!! Wait til you guys see, if you haven't already, some of the new shots of Sable. Truly a classy lady. and a classy chassy to boot. Did I say boot, that's kind of nice too. WWFLive2: She's breaking up, she's breaking up. WWFLive2: Much like DX might be doing...oops! maybe I shouldn't have said that. WWFLive2: I'm having a blast talking to myself. I can't hear you. WWFLive2: I'm making a lot of sense to myself, as I generally do when I am asking and answering my own questions, I'm sure yours would be more provocative: WWFLive2: Alright AOL. What the hell is going on? You should have known that people want to talk to Mr. McMahon. WWFLive2: I know I do. WWFLive2: This is really getting nonsensical, if we don't straighten it out soon, I'm going downstairs to the no excuse gym, open 7 days per week, 24 hours a day. My goal is to add another quarter inch to these massive twenty inch guns. WWFLive2: Speaking of massive, wait til you get a load of a new WWF toy. It's called a BOSS HOSS. It's a 351 cubic inch Chevrolet engine. Fitted between my legs, 0 to 60 in 1 1/2 seconds. It's the ultimate crotch rocket! WWFLive2: We're talking to AOL now, Susan, who claims that we may have had a problem if more than 5,000 people were trying to get in, no sh*t, can you imagine that. Like I said before, they just weren't prepared. WWFLive2: Susan, I sure wish this problem with AOL were fixed. What a waste. WWFLive2: I'm told some of you now can see this monologue. WWFLive2: It's not a very good monologue. WWFLive2: I have now begun to mumble to myself. WWFLive2: I am boring myself out of my mind. WWFLive2: Speaking of minds, what about that retarded Mankind? How gullible is that guy anyhow, you want to talk messed up? I liked him better as Dude. At least Dude would shower regularly. Have you guys every smelled that stinky leather mask that Mankind wears. If you're anywhere in the first 10 rows, you have. It wasn't your neighbor flatulating next to you, it was Mankind's mask, Or, was it the aftermath of a Vader match? Or, was it the aftermath of a Vader match? WWFLive2: If the canvas on the ring had not been changed in the last month. and, Vader has been in the building, there will be an odor. It's Vader Time. That sends shock waves through the WWF locker room. WWFLive2: I apologize for breathing in and breathing out and wasting your precious time, but, perhaps, we can do it again some other time, when AOL has their sh*t together. WWFLive2: Mr. M: In the immortal words of Vince McMahon I hope it was better for you then it was for me. Goodnight. Whats your favourite Vince McMahon story? Have we missed an amazing one here? Tell us in the comments!
Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.
