10 Candidates For WWE's Bizarre Post-WrestleMania 38 Push
Who joins Ezekiel and LUDWIG KAISER as the next "Wait, what?" WWE character?
Every year, without fail, WWE pushes somebody weird when all the part-timers go away.
Inexplicably repackaging a new act you've been conditioned for ages not to give a single sh*t about as a replacement for Stone Cold Steve Austin seems like a terrible business model, but WWE generates enormous record revenues, so it must be working. That, or the TV industry ignores Vince McMahon's insistence that he's in the entertainment business and instead recognises a show on which Akira Tozawa is scared of his own erection as a DVR-proof sporting property watched live in sufficient enough numbers to appease advertisers.
Better lucky than good, eh?
And that is exactly what happened last week.
On Saturday, Kevin Owens worked Steve Austin in a thrilling, magical impromptu brawl so great and yet so surreal that it's amazing to think that it happened, much less that it went so well. On Monday, Owens appeared in a segment alongside Ezekiel: the clean-shaven younger brother of Elias.
Loyal readers of this annual series might be aware that this development is precisely the sort of nonsense that is dreamed up here: a cynical exercise in guessing how weird WWE will get. This, after all, is the company that followed WrestleMania 32 by making Darren Young Great Again.
Other than Ezekiel, how will they follow WrestleMania 38...?
10. Dexter Lumis
Dexter Lumis has done all there is to do in NXT.
He hasn't won any championships or anything like that, but NXT 2.0 isn't about winning titles. It is a show based on the successful pursuit of having full sex - just look at the character arcs of Brooks Jensen, Edris Enofé, Malik Blade, Xyon Quinn, Duke Hudson and most recently Ikemen Jiro, who appears to have taken a liking to Sofia Cromwell. Before his success in the North American Title picture, Cameron Grimes sought love advice from Grayson Waller.
It used to be that the main roster-bound NXT stalwart would drop a title before their promotion. Now, it would seem that getting married and having several rounds of intercourse is the new way of "completing" developmental. Of course, Dexter married Indi Hartwell last year, and gauging by the honeymoon skits, he nearly broke her back. Really, when you think about it, it's the same thing as Finn Bálor dropping the NXT Title and doing business for Shinsuke Nakamura on the way out. When Ross and Rachel fell out, the Friends writers needed to pen a new relationship to keep things interesting.
It's pro wrestling booking 101, guys.
Lumis has a main roster-friendly look, and since that's the main thing, the push should go well!