10 Embarrassing Matches Wrestling Stars Want You To Forget
In which Triple H proves himself to be a B+ player.
Everybody has a right f*cking 'mare every now and then.
Your writer penned an article earlier this year entitled 'How Exactly Wrestling Will Return Better Than Ever'. Wrestling did not, in fact, return better than ever. It didn't even go away!
Hollywood shuttered down. Real sports shuttered down. Soap operas, the other thing that never stops, shuttered down. Even if the various bodies in charge didn't want to, they had to; stay-at-home orders were issued by virtually every corner of the globe, but in a remarkable development one cannot say for sure was the result of grotesque corruption, WWE, laughably, was designed as "essential business". WWE had "woven itself into the fabric of society," and AEW piggybacked.
Your writer envisioned a world in which we'd all take a break, a vaccine would arrive and magically return everything to the old normal, and the talent, refreshed in body and mind, would return to usher in a new era of greatness! Maybe Kenny Omega would discover the last living unicorn and make his entrance alongside it, Christ, what a f*cking mark.
Wrestling simply continued to happen, in front of no fans, then some fans, then some virtual fans.
Embarrassing, for sure, but still - not as if I dropped the Undertaker on his head after being dumb enough to knock myself out first...
10. Triple H Vs. Scott Steiner - WWE Royal Rumble 2003
Did you ever agree to something only to immediately regret it?
Your writer, buzzed from a couple of pre-drinks and excited for the night ahead, once leapt over a bannister and almost separated his shoulder like a right dumb bastard. There's a similarly painful sensation overwhelming me now, knowing that '10 Embarrassing Matches Wrestling Stars Want You To Forget' demands the inclusion of the otherwise incredible Scott Steiner's career low point because it needs to be re-watched as research.
The bannister is calling me. The bannister means I will not be able to write this up. Take my arm off, motherf*cker, because this is essentially the experience of watching Triple H taking a sh*t and masturbating at the same time.
Christ, it's as bad as remembered.
At one point, Triple H rather cruelly reaches for Steiner's arm, creating the impression that he might, at last, stop stomping the poor f*cker into the ground, only for him to, yes, continue stomping him into the ground.
A match that compels the crowd to feel enormous pity for one of the hardest and nastiest c*nts alive can only be considered a total disaster.