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10 Precise Moments Wrestlers Should Have Retired

The Last Rides.

WWE

Retirement is now impossible, apparently, if it was even a thing in wrestling in the first place.

The critical praise heaped on the Boneyard Match at WrestleMania 36 compelled many sadists to project another decade of destruction for the Phenom. He can do tonnes more of these, they said with relish. How much more Undertaker do you people want? He's been in WWE for 30 years. His original set of hips belong in his bloody urn, man. He has other interests, you know.

He wants to save the tigers, and you're trying to book him in more cinematic matches, shooting him from different angles, again and again and again and again! Jimminy Jillickers, can't you let an old cop retire in peace?

He's probably delighted at this development. Wrestlers pure hate retiring. It's a money thing. It's a limelight thing. It's a professional pride thing laced with a tragic pathos: when the body is in decline and the performances suffer as a result, this only strengthens the resolve to atone. But atonement is impossible. It's a depressing cycle of dire matches in which legends fade before your very eyes - often in Saudi Arabia sweating like Triple H on a Thursday afternoon.

Were interventions possible, these are the save points for entire legacies...

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Contributor
Contributor

Former Power Slam Magazine scribe and author of Development Hell: The NXT Story - available NOW on shop.whatculture.com!