10 Radical Ideas To Save Dolph Ziggler
6. Change His Look, For The Love Of God
Yes, it’s time for my regularly scheduled merciless ragging on Ziggler’s current look, best described as what happens when Quiet Riot have ugly backstage sex with a plate of spaghetti.
There’s probably not much they can do about his hair except cut it: but even so, Ziggler’s ravishing linguini-locks aside, the terrible, blotchy fake tan and the eighties !*$% rock get-up has to go. It’s simply not possible to take a wrestler seriously in 2016 when he looks like a bruised tangerine in a White Lion tribute band.
In fact, forget 2016. I remember 1986, and you could barely get away with this kind of look back then - and that’s if you were actually in a band. Resembling Warrant caught in a terrifying teleporter accident with a basketball is a cry for help, not a fashion statement.
No more bandannas, no more scarves in your hair, no more melanomaesque tanning sessions. No more pleather trousers, no more Adam Ant style Native Fauxmerican warpaint. No more denim/leather combinations: dear sweet undead Jesus, no more. You look like someone dressed a terracotta army to cosplay the 1990 Monsters Of Rock tour.