10 Things That Would Happen If WWE Put An End To Scripted Promos
6. ...And So Would The Product
WWE's TV formula is rotten. Just so devoid of imagination as to be literally brain-rotting.
An act opens RAW, and within minutes, they are exposed as an idiot on a fake show, because they must talk in obviously phoney, rehearsed drones, and then feign surprise as they are interrupted. If they took a deep breath and hammered out every line at 3x speed, they would look less ridiculous, because they'd actually get one over on their rival. Actually finishing a promo is harder to do in WWE than winning a title.
But no: they regurgitate this bullsh*t so earnestly, and in such good faith. It is as if they don't believe an interruption is forthcoming, an when it arrives, it depicts them as shocked jabronies.
A trade of insults ensues, of the sort that should, if these were real people, result in a wild brawl - but no brawl happens. Your very honour has just been questioned? Question it right back, in the form of a punchline! You're a comedian, a sports entertainer! It's such good sh*t!
Standing there, like an a**hole, is such good sh*t.
A carefully-planned riposte, designed to get the act over as a suave cool guy, is fired off, and it is bullsh*t, and then a match happens for right now, timed just before the commercial break, exposing this exercise in suspension of disbelief a predetermined sham.
Absolutely f*ck the promo train. Derail the promo train.