10 Things WWE Regrets About Fastlane
2. The Dogsh*t 2017 Main Event
What runs through the mind of a WWE performer when they pick up that week's TV script?
Abject fear, you'd expect. Does it take several hours to memorise the material - or does it take that long to deliver it without a tangible sense of embarrassment? Imagine leafing through it to learn that, Oh sh*t, ah f*ck, it's my turn to stand there and look like a hypnotised a**hole when my rival's entrance music hits, even though this happens at least once per month.
This actually happened to Kevin Owens on pay-per-view.
But not just that; before the bell, he had to cast himself as something of a tactician. Stalling for time, he sought to dial down Goldberg's trademark pre-match intensity. When he eventually returned to the ring, 'Break The Walls Down' blared over the speakers, and Owens, distracted, succumbed to the Spear and Jackhammer combination.
He spent less time in the ring with Goldberg than Goldberg's kid did. 'Da Man', and this comes from a father, has most certainly faced tougher battles putting him to bed than Owens managed here.
The only positive thing this dire non-match accomplished was springing a pleasant surprise on us all at WrestleMania 33; with expectations lower than WWE's current locker room morale, Goldberg and Brock Lesnar's four-minute firecracker brought the house down. Everybody ended up happy in Orlando.
Apart from Owens, of course, whose only-quite-good Jericho blow-off turned him into Charlie Brown.