10 Things You Learn Watching WWE TV After 9 Months Away
3. The Dialogue Has Gone Beyond Excruciating
One of the major bugbears for today’s WWE fan has been the use of scriptwriters to craft literally all of the dialogue for the talent. We all know why this is a terrible idea. Wrestlers couldn’t make dialogue crafted by Aaron Sorkin on a coke bender sound interesting. Somehow, though, the tripe that they are given to read out loud has gotten even worse in a year. It really feels as if there are new scriptwriters that are trying to get fired as quickly as possible.
Here are some average examples of the hot garbage that has been on the screen in the past couple of weeks:
The Miz: ‘There’s no private dressing room for me and the first lady of WWE. Even worse, I told those supporting characters in the men's locker room to clear out so that Maryse and I could have it for ourselves and they refused…What are you going to do to make this right?
Daniel Bryan: Well, I could block off a stall in the public restroom.
*CRICKETS*
Rusev: Alright, enough of this. Big E? Big Cass? More like Big Goose.
*CRICKETS*
Carmella: Where are your pants?
James Ellsworth: What? You told me to lose them, so I did.
Carmella: I meant get new pants.
*CRICKETS*
Kevin Owens: I got a strong feeling, almost like a psychic vision, that tonight Roman Reigns is gonna be the one that’s locked inside that shark cage.
Roman Reigns: Hey Kev, I got a feeling too. That I’m gonna win the US Title right here tonight. In Cleveland.
*CRICKETS*
Considering the fact that talking apparently takes up about 85% of any WWE telecast now, it would be really great if they didn’t make the dialogue completely unbearable to listen to, and maybe just let wrestlers…you know…wrestle?