10 Words That Most Accurately Describe Wrestling Right Now
3. Lame
"Sparklecrotch."
"Monkey's butt."
"Michelin Man."
Much like the absence of the terms belt, title shots and wrestling, it seems mandated that every WWE promo must contain at least one insult you'd never hear on even the most lowbrow three camera sitcom - which is about right, since to become a member of the WWE creative team, you must have first failed to crack the "real" TV landscape.
AJ Styles is a repeat offender on SmackDown because he's feuding with Kevin Owens and thus must make repeated references to Owen's waistline, but really, these playground japes are coded in the DNA of virtually every televised segment. At least with, say, a Hornswoggle, you knew when to fast forward and not feel a profound sense of shame at your hobby of choice. Whenever John Cena mispronounces "Bulgaria" as "Bulge-area," you cannot shake the feeling that you're watching a show for children written by children.
It's almost terrifying that Vince, with the Great Balls Of Fire PPV, has reached the 1950s in his tortoise-paced pop culture education. When he finally learns of the 1960s Batman cartoon, you half-expect him to start superimposing 'BAM!' graphics over matches.