10 Worst Things That Can Happen When You Lose A Wrestling Match

10. You Could Be Molested By Snakes And/Or Worms

In the 1980s, Jake €˜The Snake€™ Roberts would gently drape his pet python across his prone opponent€™s face after winning the match. Yes, we heard it too. Stop sniggering in the back, or you€™ll see us after class. It was a typically late eighties/early nineties WWF gimmick: cartoonish and made for the kind of quality television product produced by the McMahons (after all, most live crowds couldn€™t see the snake properly). Jake was so committed and intense as a performer, however, that he managed to pull it off€ allowing the audience the suspension of disbelief required to go along with the idea that having a mid-size snake lowered onto you was legitimately the worst thing in the world. Even facing a nothing opponent in a nothing match had heat to it when the crowd knew what was coming after the pinfall. Fast forward to 2005, and Marty Wright was no Jake Roberts. A failed Tough Enough applicant, Wright had somehow impressed someone at the WWE sufficiently to get a contract, despite being in his forties with no real wrestling ability or experience. Rather than a snake, the Boogeyman placed live worms in and around the mouth of his fallen opponents €“ which was somehow even worse than an actual python.

As a concept, the Boogeyman was even more of a turkey than the Gobbledy Gooker, yet once again the performer€™s unswerving commitment to the role managed to get the character (and the worms) over with the crowd, if for only a very short time€ basically, until they found out that playing the Boogeyman was the only thing Wright was any good at. Like we said, he was no Jake €˜the Snake€™ Roberts: but we hope that he€™s managed to find a new job where his experience in eating worms and smashing oversized alarm clocks over his head are transferrable skills.