10 WWE Returns That Came Out Of Nowhere

3. John Cena

Tatanka Tomahawk Chop 2006
WWE

At one time, it was thought John Cena was an actual machine, and we would never be rid of him. The motherf*cker never got injured, and when he did, he returned so far ahead of schedule that he could only have been bionic.

Hustle. Loyalty. Respect.

Then.

Now.

Forever.

God, can you imagine? Can you imagine Cena verbally burying this latest generation of unreal NXT talent in his typical "If you can't keep up with me, Jack, tough t*tties!" way? Cena is a freestyle rapper with an incredible knack for improvisation. He is always going to "own" his rivals on the mic, but that's not exactly productive. The idea is to put your opponent and their characters over, but sure, tell Bray Wyatt he needs to lighten up and party down. That will work.

"Can't get your words out, huh? Your goofy ass must be high!" he'd say to Matt Riddle, as concerned parents Google the Original Bro and forbid their children from buying his merchandise.

We were first stricken by this panic during the 2008 Royal Rumble, at which Cena returned from a major pectoral injury in one of the most shocking moments of the modern era - but panic wasn't the first emotion we experienced. We first experienced a sort of giddy euphoria at the sight of the man we literally could not deny as a star.

There's a clear hatred in the text above...but ultimately, on that evidence, it is at least fun to love to hate the worst of the man.

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Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!