11 Hot Takes On This Week In Wrestling (Dec 28)

6. Being Told Things Hurt When They Obviously Don't, And Vice Versa

This isn't about wrestling not being real fighting, obviously. It's not even about Cena's fake looking punches, or Dean Ambrose's fluffy bunny offence. No, this is about weird pro wrestling assumptions that we're supposed to take as read, which make no sense whatsoever. We're trying to suspend our disbelief here! How about top rope moves that miss their target? Man, they're sheer death to a pro wrestler. Except... wouldn't they be just as painful if they'd actually connected? It's not like the sack of bones and heavy muscle lying there in the centre of the ring would be softer and easier to land on than the canvas. And don't even get me started on ladder matches. Leaping onto a metal ladder that's lying on top of a prone opponent is clearly going to hurt the flying man more than the lying man. That's bad enough... but what about when wrestlers run spots on top of the announcer's table that won't hurt any more than if they were performed in the ring, or on a mattress full of angels? It's like Punk trying to hit the GTS on the table. How does that work? It's the knee that hits them in the face! They're supposed to be out cold by the time they hit the ground, regardless of how hard that ground is. However: when Paige locks in the PTO on the announcer's table she's clearly just going for a cool, defiant visual for the crowd, just as Chris Jericho used to with the Walls Of Jericho. Since that's the case, can somebody please stop Michael Cole from bellowing "not the table! not the table!" at them? Was he attacked and savaged by a table as a small boy? He sounds like Nic Cage at the end of The Wicker Man remake.

Which brings me to Tables, Ladders & Chairs, at which Jack Swagger locked in the ankle lock on Alberto Del Rio... and wrapped a chair around his leg while doing it. This is not how an ankle lock works, Jack. If anything, fumbling around with a chair would make you clumsier in applying the hold, meaning that you wouldn't achieve the kind of torque you're after. Why not just batter his leg and ankle with the chair first to soften him up? You know, like in the wrestling?