15. WCW Nitro Girls Swimsuit Calendar Special (Possibly A Dishonorable Mention?)
This pay-per-view event featured not a single second of wrestling action -- as a matter of fact, it didnt even feature a single wrestler. Instead, as the title suggests, this PPV extravaganza focused solely on WCWs Nitro Girls -- their group of young, attractive, female dancers. Cameras followed the girls during a calendar photo shoot in some tropical location. Needless to say, whoever thought fans would be willing to shell out money -- whether it was 40 bucks or 4 bucks -- to watch the Nitro Girls giggle, ramble, and occasionally pose, should have been fired. Fans who purchased the event -- probably a whopping NONE -- were treated to such pleasures as the girls swimming with dolphins and going shopping. And when we say the girls, we mean Kimberly Page and her friends. Kimberly was obviously the main focus of this PPV and was the standout of the Nitro Girls themselves. Which makes sense, considering she reportedly came up with the whole concept of the Nitro Girls anyway -- and was also married to Diamond Dallas Page. Essentially nothing happens on this show. The girls putz around and pose for photos. Occasionally they give some brief interviews -- the highlights (yes, there are quotes for a reason) include AC Jazz stating that she likes to vacuum naked, and Kimberly Page mentioning that one time she accidentally showed a choreographer a private sextape of her and her husband, instead of a planned dance routine video. The entire PPV lasted for two hours. Lets just reiterate that for clarity -- TWO HOURS! Someone invent a time machine for the sole purpose of traveling back to 1999 and firing everyone involved with this production -- the cameramen, the editors, the photographers, the Nitro Girls, Eric Bischoff, and even Ted Turner. But still it was a WCW pay-per-view, and the WWE Universe was promised every PPV in history from WWE, WCW, and ECW. So, come on, Vince -- upload that Nitro Girls Calendar Special to the Network so no one can watch it.
Douglas Scarpa is a freelance writer, independent filmmaker, art school graduate, and pro wrestling aficionado -- all of which mean he is in financial ruin. He has no backup plan to speak of, yet maintains his abnormally high spirits. If he had only listened to the scorn of his childhood teachers, he wouldn't be in this situation.
The entire PPV lasted for two hours. Lets just reiterate that for clarity -- TWO HOURS! Someone invent a time machine for the sole purpose of traveling back to 1999 and firing everyone involved with this production -- the cameramen, the editors, the photographers, the Nitro Girls, Eric Bischoff, and even Ted Turner. But still it was a WCW pay-per-view, and the WWE Universe was promised every PPV in history from WWE, WCW, and ECW. So, come on, Vince -- upload that Nitro Girls Calendar Special to the Network so no one can watch it.