5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Feb 8)
3. Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.
The upcoming Women’s Tag Team Title Elimination Chamber match can only be an utter disaster. The prospect is terrifying.
WWE has chanced this thing just once before, in 2015. It was even more of a botch factory than the WCW Power Plant; Konnor and Cesaro, failing to understand the word “elimination”, both saved their opponents from a pinfall finish. Kalisto, representing the Lucha Dragons, didn’t do many good lucha things. He simply climbed up the structure, and dangled from the top of it, in anticipation of…something. He hung around longer than Triple H in a 2003 opening segment, but at least he did something vaguely exciting afterwards.
The bizarre booking ahead of next Sunday’s match mandates disaster, too. Disasters tend to escalate. Theoretically bad ideas never come good, especially in f*cking wrestling. No team on SmackDown had to qualify, in contrast to their RAW counterparts. This is because there aren’t enough teams on SmackDown to enable qualification matches, a development that in itself that poses a pressing question:
WHY THE F*CK ARE THERE WOMEN’S TAG TEAM TITLES?
And, in contrast to that 2015 bout, the level of talent involved is drastically, horrifyingly inferior. If Cesaro, Tyson Kidd and the New Day all fell afoul of an unworkable clusterf*ck of a stipulation, the scope for potential facial reconstruction surgery is so vast that Tamina might actually, finally make them all look like James Ellsworth. And then forget to brag for the inevitable cheap heat afterwards, because she’s the worst. She’s the worst, and they’re putting her in an Elimination Chamber match…with Nia Jax as her tag team partner.
You might as well just have Brock Lesnar scrape their foreheads and throw them in shark-infested waters. At least then it wouldn’t go 20-odd minutes.