5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (March 15)

Sigh.

Dave Meltzer did so much to inform and enrich your writer’s wrestling fandom.

A genuine revolutionary of an industry, were it not for his pioneering, exhaustive, super-detailed Wrestling Observer Newsletter, there is every chance you would not be reading this article right now.

As if you needed another reason to hate the man!

Meltzer, in addition to pouring the tea that draws us behind the curtain, and bonds us to wrestling even when wrestling itself repels us, is superb at providing insight into what makes up the complexion of a pro wrestling match. He is a man of immaculate taste, and moreover, his punditry, at its best, elaborates on the wrestling art form that it heightens it.

The quirks once associated with the man feel less endearing this week. By the week, really; he tweeted in the very recent past “Here come the people with learning disabilities”, yikes, as if an inability to understand him automatically makes one challenged in any way. If anything, understanding Uncle Dave’s quirks is like learning a new f*cking language. He also retweeted a meme of Kazuchika Okada’s Wrestle Kingdom 13 trunks reveal, doctored over raucous pub-wide World Cup celebrations, thinking it had actually happened.

You don’t want to turn heel on a man you genuinely look up to.

But plans change.

Doctor Doctor, gimme the news, I got a bad case of uh, you know, it’s like, here’s the thing, talking myself into catastrophic PR situations in which I claim Roman Reigns lied about his leukaemia treatment.

What follows is a Wrestling Observer Radio excerpt from a subscriber who “reads” and listens:

“He actually said the pill was, um, oral chemo therapy, but it really—I don’t think it was.”

Additionally, the treatment Dr. Dave thinks Reigns took is “not that harsh” and, at best, “no fun”.

Meltzer did “walk back” his comments, but the whole conversation was as ugly as used to think Sable was in the Attitude Era—especially since he showed himself up with his non-knowledge of how movie shoots work. Roman Reigns isn’t leading Hobbs & Shaw. It’s highly unlikely that even the lead of a motion picture is required to shoot every single day. And yet, before Bryan Alvarez pointed this out, Meltzer took issue with Roman’s layoff timeline.

It is as if Meltzer, unseated in the scoops department by new competition in the form of Fightful and Pro Wrestling Sheet, is compensating by drilling into the minutiae of known developments. His mind is so analytically driven that, in examining every possibility, he stumbles upon the most cynical motives—and doesn’t really write them off as preposterous.

Imagine Meltzer in a restaurant, as some hapless prick chokes on his food. “Is there a doctor in the house?!” a waitress screams.

Dave stands up. “I’ve read up on this,” he asserts, before umm-ing and ahh-ing over the best way to proceed.

“He’s dead now, sir.”

“Yeah, that booking really killed him.”

Not everything is wrestling work, godd*mnnit Dave! Edit your radio show!