5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Oct 5)

WWE Superstars are total dweebs. The babyfaces especially.

These people are shocked to the core whenever they hear an entrance theme interrupting their promo segment…

…even though it happens multiple times on the same episode of flagship television. The stars of RAW can be excused for not watching the show back, and failing to foil the heels and their backstage scheming—RAW is Godawful—but there’s no excuse to act even annoyed by the interruption. It is sharp relief from the abysmal babyish babyface patter, if nothing else.

Ole Anderson once played a fake babyface for a full calendar year, like a method actor only slightly less detestable than Jared Leto, just to get in the same steel cage as—and his hands on—eternal rival Dusty Rhodes. He had to disrupt his entire day-to-day existence just to convince the Son of a Plumber that the leopard had changed his spots.

Mr. McMahon put his immediate family through hell just to convince Steve Austin that he was a changed man. This dedication to depravity was such that nobody thought less of Austin for falling for it. It helped that the Higher Power ruse made no sense, but the point remains the same: the great wrestling territories of old became great because they protected their babyfaces—the acts that the punters wish to see, and wish to support.

Even the WCW Uncensored ’96 Tower of Doom had an iota of the right idea.

But WWE, in 2018?

On RAW, much of the matches are much of a muchness. Trying say that five times, and Vince McMahon will probably give you a push over Tyler Breeze, because he enjoys alliteration more than talents who have forged a genuine bond with the audience. He also, on Monday’s evidence, enjoys promoting his acts as utter morons. No less than three matches ended when a heel distracted a babyface. Viktor distracted Bobby Roode en route to victory by brutalising Chad Gable, in a grim premonition of what will happen to his career in, at this rate, about three weeks.

Incidentally, Konnor of the Ascension just defeated Bobby Roode on this week’s RAW. The guy had more upward mobility when he wrestled in GFW, for f*ck’s sake.

Later in the night, Seth Rollins fought Drew McIntyre. Rollins, distracted by the interfering Ziggler, fell prey to the Claymore Kick. McIntyre built m o m e n t u m. Rollins looked like a dimwit. So, too, did Bobby Lashley, who was rolled up by Kevin Owens when distracted by Elias.

If you want to beat a WWE Superstar, just dangle a set of shiny keys in their stupid, vacant, f*ck-witted faces.

And, on SmackDown, that plagiarist Road Dogg booked a similar finish in the main event, as Shelton Benjamin, and not Andrade Almas—missing an opportunity to hand him a notable win, and a spot of beloved 50/50 booking—defeated Daniel Bryan after The Miz distracted him. WWE could cease and desist with the guest commentator trope, but where’s the fun in making babyfaces look marginally intelligent?

Essentially, the WWE roster is at this point the Divas division of 2010: portrayed as just a bunch of total airheads, with the only real distinction being that John Laurinaitis doesn't jerk off over them.