5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Sept 21)
Mummies in the desert.
WWE, increasingly, is insulting our intelligence with the glee of that drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket, only with significantly less good patter.
Whenever we embark on the Road to Money In The Bank, we are reminded that, to grab the briefcase - which incidentally allows its holder to cash in their Championship Opportunity at any time of their choosing - the WWE Superstar (TM) must first climb up a ladder. We are reminded of this when the participants perform Saved By The Bell reruns on top of those ladders.
The constant replays drill into our thick skulls the information we have just processed. Vince, mate, we're not the ones with dementia.
The irony of all this is f*cking deadening. WWE scripts the dumbest bullsh*t seen in wrestling, and we're the thick ones for not grasping it. That's probably the reason why Vince McMahon persists with the Roman Reigns push. We simply do not understand that we are to cheer the man whose wrist and fist is a symbol of a gun. Basically, Vince is going full Principal Skinner - "No. It is the WWE Universe that is wrong" - only with significantly less good patter.
And now...
5. Hellscape Of A Cell
The old Hell In A Cell structure conveyed itself as a deadly battle ground because it was this chillingly viable thing. It looked liked a death sentence. It looked like a haunted monstrosity abandoned in a scrapyard in a Stephen King novel. It helped that Jim Ross sold it with the cornball creepiness of Pet Sematary's Jud Crandall as portrayed by Fred Gwynne.
"You don't wanna go down that road. I got Maria Kannellis tied up down that road."
And now it looks like a shiny new garish red toy thing to match Roman Reigns' Universal Title. That's the reason, isn't it? "On brand" promotional synergy. It's telling that Roman has only just won the f*cker, and it's not as if they painted it yellow. So WWE's new strategic drive to get Roman over involves ruining a cherished institution. He's already knackered the main event of WrestleMania, and now this.
Either that, or because the pay-per-view is entitled 'Hell In A Cell', the Cell now must be red in colour to convey this theme because we are all too pigsh*t thick to grasp it otherwise.
Sunday daytime and its shocking leaked pictures threatened something far beyond goofy - and it still is, let's face it - but one Randy Orton helped make the colour of it meaningless by doing some very un-PG things in a PG setting...