Pyro, giant LED boards and screens, glitz and glamor cannot cover all the defects of a wrestling show, but WWE Crown Jewel certainly does try.
This year’s edition of WWE’s “take $50 million in blood money to hold a sportswashing event in Saudi Arabia” was not a bad wrestling show, but it wasn’t the WrestleMania-esque event that they’ll undoubtedly try to sell you on later. They’ll tell you Bayley and Bianca Belair had a serious, personal war for the Raw Women’s Championship. They’ll praise Jake Paul’s arrival to save his brother. They’ll marvel at Omos and Braun Strowman as if it’s a clash of the titans.
But none of that is true. Bayley and Belair fought on top of a golf cart, all for a spot that went almost horribly wrong. Jake Paul KO’d Jimmy and Jey Uso like they were jobbers and not 8-time tag champs. And Omos/Braun wasn’t Hulk Hogan/Andre the Giant, it was more Big Show/Akebono.
Crown Jewel still had some good action (Drew McIntyre/Karrion Kross notwithstanding) and breezed by, so on those conditions, it was fine. But this was not a home run of a show by any means.
And FYI, we’re not including Bray Wyatt’s promo here, because it’s so damn difficult to rate that stuff these days. Until something actually happens or develops, we’re going to call that a thumbs in the middle.
Let’s get to it…