7 Secret Versions Of Classic WWE Matches
2. 5-Man Dark Hell In A Cell Match
It reads as some over-thought daft sh*te that is normally the preserve of Saudi Arabia, but on September 26, 2011, in front of what presumably was an ice-cold market, WWE presented a bizarre Fatal 5-Way Hell In A Cell match as a desperate dark match attraction.
John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Alberto Del Rio and CM Punk entered the doors of Satan's Playground, and none of them were quite the same afterwards. No, that's not true; they phoned in a nothing match and barely collided with the steel, as best as can be inferred from the shaky, nausea-inducing smartphone footage.
WWE has uploaded clipped professional footage of the match, but it's nothing you haven't seen before; in fact, it's something you used to see all of the f*cking time.
Five men, in a Hell In A Cell match, harkens back to the blood-soaked hoot of Armageddon 2000, but here, John Cena didn't take a psycho plunge onto a bed of hay. Here, John Cena...halfheartedly jogged through his Five Moves of Doom sequence, instigating a finisher spam-fest from which he stands tall. It's a pointless watch, but something quite wonderful reveals itself after a minute or so; the action isn't the gnarly, ugly drama one might expect from the stipulation, but there's a stark, beautiful silence to it, euphorically subverting the theme.
(It's a dark match so Michael Cole isn't commentating)