7 Worst Wrestling Mini-Movies
7. Cactus Jack: Lost In Cleveland
Kicking off our countdown is one of what would be many classic WCW mini-movies; it’s just a shame that they became “classics” for all the wrong reasons.
Coming off a brutal feud with Big Van Vader, which included the legendary loss of Foley’s ear during their encounter in Germany, Cactus Jack was one of the most popular competitors in WCW. Through his passion and self-sacrifice, Cactus had genuinely earned the fans respect and become a main event player through his continued hard work and dedication.
How did WCW capitalise on this newfound notoriety? By placing him in a series of ridiculous featurettes, of course! Following a particularly brutal pasting from Big Van Vader – which included a stiff Powerbomb to the concrete floor – WCW claimed that Cactus was suffering from amnesia; forming the basis of the “Lost in Cleveland” story to the soundtrack of palms hitting foreheads across the globe.
A 15 minute collage of cluelessness, the mini-movie was presented in the form of a multi-part news feature, complete with roaming faux-reporter, Catherine White, hot on the case. Bad acting, poor imitations and general TV gutter sludge would follow as Miss White would embark on the trail of the missing “Hardcore Legend”.
Her search would lead her Cleveland – for reasons that were obvious to no-one – and, through the aid of homeless source, “Swampy”, she would eventually find her man sleeping rough on the streets of C-Town; passing the time by helping the homeless rebuild their lives and fixing kid’s bicycles. No, seriously.
While Cactus may have lost his mind, he had clearly gained a razor as our homeless hero comes to us without a beard or even any eyebrows for that matter; making Jack one of the few men to enhance his grooming standards after moving to the streets. He also seemed to have gained a new girlfriend on his travels too, accompanied by the subtly named “Bang Bang”. Make your own jokes there...
A rare nod to reality, the movie also includes an “appearance” from Mick’s wife, Collette; who was actually substituted by an actress as his real life wife was supposedly deemed too attractive. An oil painting he may not be, but that must have felt like a backhanded compliment for Mrs Foley’s baby boy.
Despite the mini-movie having no real climax (or notable purpose), Cactus would eventually return at Clash of the Champions XXIV following Vader’s title defence over Davey Boy Smith. In typical WCW fashion, there was predictably no mention of the “Lost in Cleveland” migraine that preceded it.
Luckily for Jack, this was the same show that saw the immortal debut of The Shockmaster and any other ridiculousness that evening got a free-pass as it paled in comparison to the shocking debut of the sparkling stormtrooper.