7 Worst Wrestling Mini-Movies
1. The White Castle Of Fear
There could be only one contender for numero uno in this list and it stands alone atop the snowy mountain it was filmed as the peak of wrestling lunacy. I am of course talking about “The White Castle of Fear”.
Filmed way back in 1993, its legend has only grown in infamy over the years and has reached near mythical status today as the shining example of p**s poor wrestling at its worst. The sort of stuff that if you watch with a non-wrestling friend, you instantly begin to squirm uncomfortably, offer to change the channel and die a little inside. Yep, the Malenko/Guerrero classic this is not, folks...
Let’s set the scene.
As WCW Champion, Big Van Vader was the baddest dog in WCW’s yard and was all set to collide with Sting at the upcoming Superbrawl event with the coveted title on the line. As a precursor to the showdown, Vader would see fit to invite The Stinger to a pre-Superbrawl party at his invitingly named “White Castle of Fear”.
In a time before email, Sting’s invite came in the form of a beautifully crafted scroll; presumably made during the weekly arts and crafts night at Castle Fear. No time, date or even directions were given; just that there was a party going down at Vader’s digs and Sting was invited. The details must have been on the reverse: turn left at the third mountain top, BYOB, etc, etc.
Dressed for the occasion in his best Duke Nukem attire, the unusually plain-faced Stinger traded the facepaint for ski shades and wasted little time boarding the first helicopter to the Rocky Mountains in search of the elusive White Castle. Hail to the king, baby!
As parties go, Vader’s party was a little underwhelming to say the least; lacking the basics of any decent party, like music, alcohol and general heating. Instead Vader’s pre-Superbrawl bash seemed to consist solely of fruit, dry ice and hookers – I guess they must have blown the party budget on the hookers. Come to think of it, the whole setup seemed a lot less like the home of World Champion and far more like a Viking crack den. Each to his own, I suppose.
Also making his return to the fold is our WCW mini-movie regular, Pirate Hornswoggle; resurrecting his role as chief finger pointer and reiterator of the blatantly obvious. In addition to his two key duties, it quickly becomes apparent that our pirate friend has a new catchphrase, repeatedly inviting Sting to “play the game” and simultaneously creating Triple H’s future slogan in the process.
Also at the party was Vader’s manager, Harley Race; who was quick to inform the champ – who was busy shadow boxing – of Sting’s arrival, prompting the champ to go greet his posse and his guest in the main dining cave. Sting quickly broke the ice with a witty quip of his own, likening the temperature of his surroundings to Vader’s cold personality. Despite the ironically tepid reception to this joke from the diminutive pirate and the girls, Harley seemed quite tickled by the remark, greeting the joke with evil hysteria. Guess you had to be there...
With a little more goading, Sting eventually accepts Vader’s challenge; prompting the table to ignite as “the game” finally begins. The game itself turns out to be a good old fashioned game of tug o’ war into a flaming table; which I’m sure we can all relate to.
The whole scenario is very homoerotic, with grunts aplenty and various references to playing games, leather straps and doing things “Vader style”. The entire ordeal is very uncomfortable for all concerned and winds up being about as disturbing as Mae Young’s entry into the “Miss Rumble” swimsuit contest at Royal Rumble 2000.
Awkwardness aside, the video is essential viewing for any self-respecting wrestling fan. So what are you waiting for? PLAY THE GAME!!!