8. Hes A Cartoon Character On A Live Action Show
John Cenas overcoming-all-odds Superman character is a throwback to the golden era of the 1980s, and to Hulk Hogan and of course, Cena is the Hogan of the modern era, complete with younger audience, over-inflated physique and indomitable persona. The problem is that Cena seems to exist in a different universe to the rest of the roster. With the exception of 2011s Zack Ryder, no other wrestler wears nearly every item of merchandise he owns to the ring, and no other wrestler wears his own merchandise as though it was a super hero costume. While Cena remains a throwback to a more colourful, less complicated era of national wrestling programming, pretty much everyone else on RAW and Smackdown belongs squarely in 2014: leaving part time anomalies like the Undertaker aside, this is the reality era. But the mans got to feud with someone. The inevitable result is that Cena (who cant and wont lose clean to someone below him in the pecking order) is continually being placed into conflict with people who operate on an entirely different, more athletic and reality-based model of professional wrestling to him and then beating them easily, often nonsensically, usually no-selling their finishers and submission holds. And then those wrestlers have to go back into new feuds and angles with other wrestlers of their ilk and attempt to carry on as if Cena had never happened to them. Imagine that this was UFC, and Cain Velasquez was suddenly competing against a Pokemon, and youve got some sense of the disconnect that occurs every time Cena gets into it with another member of the roster. Its weird like they have to take a vacation from their jobs to get beaten up by Barney. More to the point, it skews the programming, especially when hes in so many main events.
Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.