EVERY Wrestling Gimmick Match Ranked From Worst To Best
75. Flag/Anthem
Refers to the original or the even more jingoistic 'Anthem' update, in which the loser was punished by listening to the national anthem of the victor, the Flag match was cycled out of fashion when nationalism no longer drove pro wrestling narrative (despite Vince McMahon's best, most inexplicable efforts). Never any good, the Flag match was yet another woefully one-dimensional storytelling vehicle that stood no chance whatsoever of being as good as a match held under traditional rules. It lacked the lurid, violent appeal that justifies not doing a straight singles, too. Better left in the past (like Vince McMahon!).
74. Taipei Death
Shocking then, an historical curio now, the Ian Vs. Axl Rotten Taipei Death Match - in which the brothers taped their fists with glass before shredding one another apart - really wasn't good. It was mesmerising in its own way, but violence has turned the audience into depraved unethical monsters in countless better matches before and since.
73. One-Sided Rules
This match type basically covers all instances in which the rules benefit just one of the participants. The most famous and indeed dreadful example was promoted at WrestleMania 25, when the rules benefitted Randy Orton, who, despite invading his home, would capture the WWE title from Triple H were he to have been counted out or disqualified. Not too dissimilarly, at the Horror Show At Extreme Rules, Dolph Ziggler couldn't be disqualified, but Drew McIntyre could. These matches are often bad. The storytelling is prohibitive and one-dimensional, adhering strictly to one beat, and the acting of inner turmoil on the part of the disadvantaged wrestler is usually poor.
72. Empty Arena
Look, Terry Funk and Jerry Lawler did a great one once, and Lance Russell was incredible at selling the eerie disquiet, but it was a miracle. A unicorn. An Empty Arena match defies the point of wrestling, that incredible cacophony of noise and huge swell of emotion, and, in a "post"-pandemic world, it should never be revisited ever again until it absolutely has to. Jake Hager going half an hour in front of nobody: nobody else wants that feeling restored, either.
71. Holiday-Themed Street Fight
The Trick Or Treat Street Fight and Miracle on 34th Street Fight are annual, risible affairs in WWE. Everybody has a spooky tradition as the air frosts in October. Would it even be Halloween without an annual viewing of The Shining, a blast through Resident Evil 4, or watching a WWE midcard act get their head stuck in a pumpkin in a sh*te match?
Invariably lame, it must be awful taking a real kendo stick-assisted beating just for virtually everybody watching to roll their eyes. The Christmas variation is even worse - a woeful reminder that wrestling should but never will take a day off for once.
70. Scaffold
The Scaffold match died a quiet death for a reason. It enforced a sort of anti-action, in that the wrestlers had to tentatively walk at a very dangerous height, naturally more concerned with saving themselves than harming their opponents. The idea was to either capture a flag or throw your opponent to the floor. The bumps never looked all that great, unless there was an enormous stack of tables underneath the launching point, and since the more famous battles predated ECW, those matches were almost invariably not great either. A sense of danger was palpable, yes, but not of a particularly exciting stripe.
69. Punishment
Since the body of the match exists only as pretext for some daft comedy angle or other, in the 'Punishment' stip - Crybaby, Kiss My Foot, Kiss My Ass - the action itself is hardly great. You put your working boots on the night of WrestleMania; you don't fizz about bumping all over the shop if, for example, you're the 123 Kid and your job is to throw a tantrum after you job to Scott Hall. Risible as the post-match was, the In Your House: Rage In The Cage match itself was good, but only because it was impossible in that era for Sean Waltman to work an actively bad or even mediocre match. It was still his worst feature match of the era, however.
68. Three Strikes
A match in which a wrestler must earn three specific types of victory before ultimately being declared the winner, it's a rarity for a reason: it's a bit much, and unless you're Shingo Takagi, you probably aren't talented enough to enthral fans for the duration.
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