How Long Until WWE Ruins The New NXT Call-Ups? A Scientific Study

Initial Data Samples:

Ricochet, in a vacuum, made an incredible impression, by creatively utilising the ringside environment to showcase his unreal, literal spin on the pro wrestling art form—but already, the cachet of Finn Bálor, your new “prestigious” workrate Intercontinental Champion, suffers. He is the Extraordinary Man Who Can Do Extraordinary Things, and he is joined now by a performer who is significantly more Extraordinary. This is just what happens, and has already happened, as evidenced by the eerie disappearance of EC3. The main roster is a logjam of rotting wood soaked by a deluge of sh*tty booking. EC3 is piss wet through, and already, the glimmer of enthusiasm surrounding Bálor’s title win has dampened somewhat.

Aleister Black didn’t fare quite so well, though we must consider the variable that is his opponent. Elias took a full-force Black Mass to the face in a squash match that did the job it was intended to do. Only, it wasn’t a squash, it was a back-and-forth 07:59 RAW Chinlock Special.

Mercifully, crucially, Johnny Gargano and Tommaso Ciampa were scripted with a degree of actual f*cking nuance and continuity. First seen in a backstage segment with Bobby Roode and Chad Gable, Ciampa was oppressive in his demands. “You know why we’re here,” he said. “We represent NXT.” Gargano in response could barely mask how pissed off he was at the condescension. “Yep. Yep,” he said. This is good—good as in, ‘Vince hasn’t yet ruined an epic, sophisticated two and a half year storyline with his bullsh*t.”

But…

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