How Long Until WWE Ruins The New NXT Call-Ups? A Scientific Study

Future Projections & Conclusions:

Drawing from qualitative historical data, we know that that these men will not prosper on the main roster. This is a case of when, and not if. As for when, specifically?

As calculated above, the quantitative formula for ruination is a mean average of 4 weeks (2 + 5 + 5 \ 3).

There is a further component to this formula. We need to consider also the exponential rate of failure. WWE ’s creative process—the whims of Vince McMahon, effectively—devolve further into shambolic chaos with each passing week. The rate of insanity, of meaninglessness, of retconned narrative developments, of drastic changes, is escalating into full-f*cking-throttle WCW territory. Things, quite literally, are heading south, and they are heading south rapidly.

We now conclude that, incorporating the exponential rate of failure, the formula for ruination will soon equal two weeks—also known as the Mojo Rawley Principle.

We know this is a case of when, not if. We know when, specifically. What remains now is ‘How’.

Ricochet:

On the March 4 RAW, the One and Only, having drawn the ire of Bobby Lashley and Lio Rush, faces both men in a Gauntlet match. Rush goes over when Vince McMahon confuses him for Ricochet.

Aleister Black:

He will lose to Elias in a February 25 rematch, before which Elias plays an electric guitar on a Very Special heavy metal version of his concert. And then, on the March 4 RAW, Elias will attempt to cheer up the goth with a rendition of “I’ve Got The Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy” at which point we will realise that, yes, Black is getting Sports Enter-f*ckin’-tained.

Johnny Gargano & Tommaso Ciampa:

After weeks—precisely two—of simmering tension, Ciampa consoles Gargano following their loss to Heath Slater and Rhyno. This scene of commiseration is drawn out just long enough to invoke a sense of lurching dread. “Will Ciampa smash Gargano’s face into the TitanTron?” Michael Cole ponders. “Find out as RAW rolls on…”