How Vince McMahon Perceives Every Member Of The AEW Roster

Vince McMahon does not watch All Elite Wrestling.

Triple H has probably advised him of the particulars, the things he can weaponise to f*ck ‘em good and hard, pal, like the “blood and guts” comment aimed at their advertisers during the Q2 conference call. He said this despite the fact that Brock Lesnar opened up the skull of Roman Reigns last year, and he likely wasn’t exposed as a hypocrite in the process: if any of these major investors actually watched the product, they’d sell their stock quicker than Ricochet used to be, before he was told how to work.

Vince has a keen interest in the competition from a distance because AEW threatens his monopoly—and to counter the competition, he is in the process of warehousing every talent with the vaguest of name recognition.

But what if he could sign AEW’s talent?

This bit-of-fun article you are under no obligation to read attempts to peek into perhaps humanity’s most fascinating headspace via scenarios in which Vince has either signed—or has expressed an interest in signing—the talents of AEW.

This exercise in satire is written in the demented and problematic voice of Vince McMahon, so if you don’t like it, take it up with him directly.

“Handsome, rugged bastard, I love it! Let’s call him the ‘Horse Among Men’! And then, every time he makes his entrance, every f*cking godd*mn time, I’ll have Michael Cole say “It’s time to saddle up!" That won’t ruin him by association!”