If WWE Was Being Honest About The Creative Writing Process
168 hours of such pointless sh*t, pal.
The WWE creative writing process is peak satire in an age in which satire cannot exist. That is the extent of what it accomplishes.
It is a totally ironic pursuit of perfection. To flesh that point out, consider the disastrous backstage segment from last week’s SmackDown, in which Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville naturally struggled to grasp the meaning of a word, opportunity, that has been stripped of it.
“Guess who?” Mandy said, covering Sonya’s eyes.
“I obviously know your voice, Mandy. Where have you been all day, huh?”
“Don’t worry, Sonya, I’ve been taking care of business. I talked to Shane.”
For about nine hours, presumably. The writing is so involuntarily, thoughtlessly fake. This conversation couldn’t have lasted longer than a minute or so, but without thinking, it accounted for Mandy’s entire day. Even an incidental, throwaway line makes no sense. These are professional writers imported from TV, although it’s not as if they’re hiring Mark Frost or David Chase. That is abundantly clear. And when the hell did an episode of SmackDown ever end with a Kayla Braxton backstage promo, like this week’s episode? Everything is so brutally contrived.
Anyway.
“And?” Sonya asked.
“OK. Remember the time we overheard the IIconics [long, awkward pause] making fun of what Kevin Owens did to him? I might have told him. No, it’s good! Because we’re getting a match next week.”
“Wait,” Deville said. “Are you saying next week we have a Women’s Tag Team Title match?”
“Yep,” Mandy confirmed. And if we win, we deserve a Tag Team Title match.”
CONT'D...(1 of 5)