Predicting All 50 WWE Superstars In The Super ShowDown 2019 Battle Royal

Every Man For Themselves. Except Becky Lynch.

WWE

Is it better or worse that 2019's mid-year Saudi Arabia show will feature 50 folk in a Battle Royal rather than a Royal Rumble? "Folk", used there like it implies any interest in continuing to break gender barriers or whatever b*llocks WWE spouted last year when they faced relentless criticism for allowing oil money to obscure their vision and support the Sports Authority's one instead.

The answer to the question is "worse", but only because the answer to every wrestling-based question on this event is. Impossibly watchable horsesh*t is the trick the company will play with these bi-annual festivals of filthy wealth over the next decade, throwing big stars and big matches in the way of even bigger protests. 2018 set the bar so mind-numbingly low that even this ludicrous deal is now tarnished by the law of diminishing returns - No women? Have 50 men instead! Concerned about a man literally dying? Have four doing so figuratively in the main event.

At least in 2019 WWE won't force Daniel Bryan, John Cena and select others to even be there after protestations last year. Instead, they'll force the viewers to try and make out the 45 guys shorter than the five giants chosen at random by Mohammed Bin Salman.

Like the match itself (if it wasn't part of this show), this piece is really just a bit of fun. Take each prediction as a shot in the dark - WWE will surely take a similar approach when filling it themselves...

Contributor
Contributor

Square eyes on a square head, trained almost exclusively to Pro Wrestling, Sunderland AFC & Paul Rudd films. Responsible for 'Shocking Plans You Won't Believe Actually Happened', some of the words in our amazing Wrestling bookazines (both available at shop.whatculture.com), and probably every website list you read that praised Kevin Nash.