Why The Velveteen Dream Would Be Ruined On WWE's Main Roster

There is a silver lining on this black cloud: Dream, judged on his own merits, is virtually a WWE creation. Patrick Clark did wrestle on the Indy circuit, but not long enough to develop a following or any recognition from it. He’s not synonymous with it. He’s a WWE guy. It doesn’t matter that he made his start in Maryland. Much like The Miz, his Tough Enough stint allows WWE, in the event of an epic PPV video vignette or Network biography, to trace his origins back to WWE.

It isn’t “smarky” nor cynical to suggest that WWE likes their own guys. It might not be insightful, either, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

Dusty Rhodes, a genuine working class hero, became a polka-dotted dancing buffoon.

Vader, a physical force of nature, became a self-professed “fat piece of sh*t.”

Diamond Dallas Page reverted back to coal in his absolutely idiotic “stalker” guise.

They made Goldberg sell in 2003.

And on and on it went - and on and on it goes. The motivation behind pushing the Dream, weird though it is, is there - but is the understanding? Would WWE “get” the Velveteen Dream, in all of his aloof, vainglorious glory?

The act is a bit…problematic for WWE. The Dream is androgynous. He’s sassy. He purses his lips into a duck-face pout to put his preeminence over. As TakeOver proved, he can go strike for strike with the best of them - but he prefers to bitch slap his opponents in a gesture of disrespect. The Dream is fabulous…but would WWE misinterpret the camp elements of his act in the ugliest of ways?

Bayley is more childish on the main roster. Bobby Roode is more poser than wrestler. Bray Wyatt has actual magical powers. WWE’s record of taking the characteristics of an NXT act - and simplifying them - is dire.

WWE invites this sense of dread, this cynicism. Bobby Roode isn’t glorious anymore, and thus neither is anything sacred. That inner cynic can’t help but dream up an episode of RAW or SmackDown Live on which the Dream loses and throws a hysterical hissy fit. Or a show wherein he has to fan the tears from his scared face at the prospect of facing Braun Strowman. Or generally displaying the clichéd characteristics of, well.

You know.

The Dream’s orientation isn’t clear, but what is clear is WWE’s horrendous track record of cheap heat and controversy.

The Dream is a progressive wrestling gimmick months removed from entering an all-too often regressive main roster landscape.

That’s why they’ll probably botch it.