Why WWE Will Always Sell Out EVERY Gimmick

Brock Lesnar is a man that'll never need another penny in his life, but has a different t-shirt made for every town he can be a*sed to show up in. Hollywood escapee John Cena wrestles once or twice a year but you'd better believe U CAN C a luminous merch for sale at every event. Triple H takes a different wage from his regular employee salary for knocking out those 20-minute WrestleMania matches we all stopped enjoying after The Undertaker series.

The rich in this system are still getting richer, so the cash-poor performers should be allowed some of the billions locked away in McMahon's war chest too. What Ali probably wouldn't give for a four-figure belt with his face on. Humberto Carrillo will take puppets of himself on WWE.com, thanks very much. Ember Moon would be just as happy with you thinking of her tapestry blanket as her wicked Eclipse finisher.

Jim Ross, reviewing most metrics, was probably the most influential talent relations/recruitment bod in WWE history. He can claim the careful coaxings of Steve Austin, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Mick Foley and countless others from his time in the position, and on his podcast he's lamented how much money talent can now make without really needing to justify it the old fashioned ways. Nice, too, considering the poor f*cks are still independent contractors. But the long-term damage is nakedly apparent in 2020.

The ability to flog Hulk Hogan’s likeness in ways beyond normal human imagination proved a Vince McMahon philosophy so profoundly true in the 1980s that he’ll pursue it until the day death steals him from an earth that can’t contain him. Capitalism will always drop the big leg on creativity, and the real reason behind the disturbing truth why WWE will always sell out EVERY gimmick can be summed up within that actuality.

There'll never be a next Undertaker because it's a miracle the last one came to be. Bray Wyatt won't even be the first Bray Wyatt, because nobody will ever care enough to deify him in such a way when he's no longer part of the fast-moving zeitgeist.

And if you don't buy that now, don't worry - it'll probably be on sale in a year.