6. King Haku Does Everything (Including Biting Off A Man's Nose)
He was known as Haku and King Haku in the WWF, he was known as Meng in WCW, and in real life he's known as Tonga Fifita. Incidentally, he's probably the most feared wrestler among wrestlers that there is. He was regarded as the toughest man in the world by the likes of Bobby Heenan and Andre the Giant, who incidentally would state that the only two men he ever feared were Tonga and Harley Race. Perry Saturn was once asked who would win if all the wrestling "tough guys" had a bar fight, and he replied that Tonga "would kill everyone without blinking," and Jake "The Snake" Roberts once said "If I had a gun and was sitting in a tank with one shell left and Tonga is 300 yards away, the first thing I would do is get out of the tank and shoot myself, because I don't want to wound that son of a bitch and have him pissed off at me." Jake always did have a way with words. Tonga, by all accounts, was an easy-going, friendly man outside of wrestling, but he had very little tolerance for people who tested him. His backstage reputation goes back to 1987, when he had a backstage tiff with Jimmy Jack Funk and allegedly gouged out Funk's eye using his thumb. Actually, its easier to list a couple of incidents before we get to the main one... Arn Anderson recalls him shoving a cowboy through two sets of doors with one hand. Bobby Heenan recalled a bar fight where he reached into a man's mouth with two fingers and broke off his bottom teeth. He once had an argument with Brutus Beefcake where he held him up by the neck two feet off the ground, and only put him down when the other wrestlers in the locker room (who didn't want to get involved) went and got Hulk Hogan, who asked. Nicely. Rick Rude mentions a time when they were out in a nightclub and Tonga leaped clear over a table and knocked a guy out with a headbutt for getting fresh with a lady. But the most famous occurrence happened in Baltimore Airport. Tonga was there with Siva Afi having a quiet drink, and as they went to leave to head back to the hotel, they were accosted by a group of men who asked "Are you guys wrestlers? You know, that fake stuff on TV?" Tonga took offence to this and is reported to have said "I'll show you how fake it is" and proceed to knock three of them out before grabbing the spokesperson of the group, biting his nose off and spitting it out before leaving. Allegedly afterwards, he returned to his hotel bar, where Warlord was also drinking, when several police units turned up outside. Warlord went outside and explained very politely to the officers that if they would wait 15 minutes for Tonga to calm down and finish his drink, he would leave quietly with them, but if they went inside to arrest him en masse, he would fight every single one of them. The officers waited.
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Stephen Maher has been a rock star, a bouncer, a banker and a busker on various streets in various countries. He's hung out with Robert Plant, he was at Nelson Mandela's birthday and he's swapped stories with prostitutes and crack addicts. He once performed at a Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras by accident. These days, he passes the time by writing about music, wrestling, games and other forms of nerdery. And he rarely drinks the blood of the innocent.
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