WWE: 5 (Socioeconomic) Reasons Why Weapons Should Come Back

2. Weapons Based Wrestling Would Keep Felons Off The Streets

If you haven't noticed lately, the WWE and TMZ have engaged in a series of crossover events that would make Stan Lee blush. Scott Hall, Chris Benoit, Evan Bourne, Jack Swagger, Jimmy Uso, Tammy Lynn Sytch, Tammy Lynn Sytch (again) Tammy Lynn Sytch (again, again), Tammy Lynn Sytch (8 hours later, really?), and Tammy Lynn Sytch (seriously, woman?!?) have all made headlines that WWE Corporate, shockingly, frowns upon. After Eddie Guerrero's tragic passing in 2005, the WWE created its Wellness Policy, increasing the frequency of drug tests, the number of items on the banned substance list, and provding substance rehabilitation for past and current performers. As much as people want to knock the WWE Wellness Policy for being a public relations ploy (which it is), there's at least an attempt to provide help for people who need it. But as talent goes off to rehab, or prison, or out of the country while this "dead hooker" thing blows over, some storylines have to be shelved or done away with all together. Thanks to WWE Wellness Policy violations, a steady stream of wrestlers have, are, and will continue to find themselves moved to the back of the pecking order after serving whatever suspensions are handed out (unless surnamed Orton or inexplicably, Swagger). Rather then suspending a performer, why not maximize their drawing power while still proving a point? Think of a new WWE Hardcore Division replacing Wrestler's Court. The talent is punished (symbolically) in front of the locker room by losing their pushes after being moved to this hypothetical division. Wrestling fans get to see retribution on their own bloodthirsty terms, by having the contents of a Home Depot repeatedly bashed against the guilty party's skull. In this capacity, performers who violated the law will face not only the legal consequences of their actions, but upon their return (if there is one), there would be a seperate atonement for the wrestling world to see. Third failed drug this year? That's a paddling. DUI on the way to a house show event? Yup, that's a paddling. Spousal Abuse? You better belive that's a paddling. Think of what this would mean for someone like Scott Hall, who as far as our best testing is concerned, couldn't be guided through a decent match even with Aki's revolutionary grappling system. A diminished skill set is perfect for a Hardcore Divison. Look at Terry Funk. And I know just the guy to be this rechristened Hardcore Division's new champion, the regulator if you will. Ladies and gentlemen, please introduce yourselves to Jerome Young. Who better than a reformed gang member to scare the WWE locker room straight? I severely doubt New Jack's salary demands are greater than what the WWE is paying annually in drug and alcohol rehabilitation costs. Plus he's already an expert in weapons-based wrestling. It's a win-win for everyone. Except for Mass Transit.