WWE Fastlane 2019: Star Ratings For All 10 Matches
4. Bayley & Sasha Banks Vs. Nia Jax & Tamina - Women’s Tag Team Title Match
WWE almost broke pro wrestling on Sunday, for reasons we will get into momentarily.
(Quick preview: the ‘Universe’ both unanimously rejected and really enjoyed a WWE Title match that on paper was an affront to psychology but in execution handled the dynamic masterfully.)
A show crazed in its paradoxes, there now remains one rule immune to Vince McMahon’s predilection of playing God: if you’re gonna put Nia Jax and Tamina in the ring, people are gonna have a bad time. Their opponents are gonna have a bad time.
Bayley had a bad time, in the early going—the right sort of bad time you’d expect to have opposite a pair of monster heels. She suffered a crunching powerbomb from Nia in a moment of sterling build. Sasha too had a bad time—the wrong sort of bad time you’d expect to have opposite a pair of supposedly trained professionals. She mercifully survived a deeply ambitious assisted Samoan drop delayed by Nia’s piss-poor instincts, footwork and positioning.
The mental gymnastics exhibited by the commentary team—“What an incredible feat of strength…” droned Michael Cole—were more impressive than both the match and the angle.
Nostalgic and nice and all of that, it might have helped, had Tamina knew where not to stand. Tip: don’t stand in the middle of the ropes when Nia Jax is moments away from crashing into them.
Perhaps an absent-minded Tamina was still thinking of the line she should have said instead of ‘Charlotte. Charlotte. You need to be quiet, or you’re gonna start looking like Ellsworth.’
Star Rating: *1/2