WWE Survivor Series 2017: 8 Results Predictions
Who'll beat who in Red vs. Blue?
The Austrian composer Arnold Schoenberg's approach to music theory was to simply discard it entirely, and instead do whatever he felt best. His aural experiments with 'Free Tonality' saw him labelled a 'degenerate' by the Nazi Party, and whilst the artistic judgement of the Third Reich is to be questioned - especially given his Jewish heritage - on this they admittedly had a point.
More scandalously, contemporary Paul Hindemith described Schoenberg's defiant melodies as "sonic orgies," and he wasn't referring to a lurid Tumblr subculture about a blue hedgehog. The composer flung musical mucus at the manuscript in the hopes of a sound that'd stick. Results were often as unpleasant as that metaphor.
WWE's current booking philosophy borrows heavily from the perplexing playbook of Schoenberg. Since historical trypanophobia seemingly scuppered plans for TLC, the company have happened upon a much more effective strategy - just make it up as they go. Does it matter if it's non-conventional? Does it matter if it makes no sense? No! Just throw all the fruit in the mixer, olives and all, and hope it tastes good. That's why we saw Kurt Angle in a flak jacket, and it's also why, suddenly, we have Triple H and John Cena opposite one another in a headline match in 2017.
If not Schoenberg-esque, it's at least Russo-ian. And though most would readily admit to an illicit affair with the neighbour's dog than this, that's no bad thing. Trying to predict it though? That is.
8. Sun Isn't Shining For Kalisto
Like just about everybody in the purple partition, Kalisto has all the athletic ability in the world. Unfortunately, his charisma falls somewhere between Perry Saturn's mop and Ronnie Garvin's haircut. Pity for him that success in the wrestling business is as much about personality as it is performance.
That's the only reason Enzo Amore is champion; insufferable as 'Jersey's Finest' is, he at least inspires interest in the violet vaulters. It's also why - the absent Neville aside - he has contended a string of entirely interchangeable opponents, and seen them all off.
Kalisto and Enzo had a mess of a match most trainees would be ashamed of at TLC, with the latter regaining his title following a brief, circumstantially motivated switch. He'll dispatch the former Lucha Dragon for good at Survivor Series, before the next generic mook takes his place. Thankfully, it'll be hidden on the pre-show this time around.
Prediction: Enzo stays solid ahead of a fresh contender.