WWE Survivor Series 2019: 8 Results Predictions

War. War never changes.

The Romans waged war to gather slaves and wealth. Spain built an empire from its lust for gold and territory. Hitler shaped a battered Germany into an economic superpower.

But war never changes.

In the 21st century, war is still waged over the resources that can be acquired. Only this time, the spoils of war are different coloured t-shirts. Red, blue and sort of yellow. For these t-shirts, Raw invades SmackDown, SmackDown invades NXT, and they all dissolve into quarreling, bickering TV shows, bent on having the snazziest threads in WWE.

Every November, the storm of world war comes again. In about ten excruciatingly long hours, every other feud is reduced to cinders. From the ashes of narrative devastation, new - often great - match-ups arise.

(There's a passage about underground vaults here which, if you've already picked up on the reference, you'll understand doesn't quite work. The only thing in WWE's Vault, as UK viewers will tell you, is endless repeats of Kofi Kingston matches.)

Life in WWE isn't about to change.

War is here once more. Who will be the survivors... and what will be the fallout?

Ordinarily, you'd look at this and the circumsances surrounding it, and say, "yup, this will definitely end with a DQ in Mysterio's favour courtesy of some Cain Velasquez interference" (or, if barmier corners of the internet rumourhouses are to be believe, Dio Maddin interference). Except it's been designated as a no-holds barred, no DQ affair, meaning any intervention by Rey's great mate Cain (or, um Dio), would result in the red title in the underdog's hands.

Now, we all know that's not going to happen. So presumably Brock just beats the guy? Brock just beats the guy. Bleh.

Prediction: We told you: Brock just beats the guy.