We've all been there, minding our own business when someone has made a cruel jibe about our hair or our new outfit or something equally arbitrary. People laughed and we slunk away unable to think of how to reply. Then, when we're all alone it comes to us; the perfect retort to put that person back in their place. The only problem? It's two days later and that person doesn't even remember what happened. The French have a word for everything: We say "Damn, I wish I'd thought of that retort earlier", they simply say 'esprit de l'escalier'. We say that's strangely familiar; they say deja vu. We say go to war; they say surrender. Join us for a look at 24 witty one-liners and comical comebacks that you'll be able to use in everyday situations. These retorts are to be used like bombs, for when just walking away doesn't cut it. Please note: You are completely within your rights to substitute every suggested retort for a classic and always-effective reply involving the opponent's mother.
24. Whatever Dude
The Situation: Someone rude dismisses every point you've just spent the last ten minutes making with a roll of their eyes and a 'meh...whatever'. The Comeback: ''Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find your brain back there.''
23. Mum Banter
The Situation: Always be prepared. If you find yourself drawn into an argument with an idiot, you must be prepared for the inevitable and juvenile 'Mum' jokes that may come your way. Here's one of our favourites to add to your arsenal... The Comeback: ''Your mum is so fat even Dora couldn't explore her.''
22. The Proposal
The Situation: One for the ladies; what to say when your fella gets down on one knee and utters those immortal words 'I've won the lottery'. Sorry, I meant these immortal words; 'Will you marry me?' The Comeback: ''I will...if you'll still love me after we've had three kids, no sex life and I've plotted your death more than once.'' Alternative Comeback: ''...Let me see the ring first.''
