007 Fiendish Bond Villain Plans That Were Really Idiotic

004. Irradiating US Gold - Goldfinger

The Plan: Auric Goldfinger, having decided that your name should determine all your goals in life, seeks to detonate a special nuclear device in the vault of Fort Knox. By irradiating the United States's supply of gold, he'll increase the value of his own gold tenfold! Genius! The Idiocy: ...Well, except for the fact that he would now own much more valuable gold in what would presumably be the worst economic climate in modern history. I'm no economist, but I'm relatively sure that, back in the 60's, bankrupting the US would have led to quite the devastating chain reaction that not even Goldfinger would be able to escape unscathed. Plus, the way that Goldfinger sets up this plan is staggeringly nonsensical. He at first makes it look like he wants to steal the gold, and to this end, he recruits a bunch of Mafia bosses. He goes to the trouble of bringing them all together and dazzling them with a ridiculously elaborate presentation that involves a room full of moving parts. One guy isn't kosher with this, so Goldfinger has him murdered. The others all are, so he... also has them murdered. Because he never planned to steal the gold, see. Soooooo... why did he bother getting all those gangsters together in the first place? Understand, if he hadn't, Bond would never have overheard his schemes, would never have been able to finagle his way out of the crotch laser trap, and thus everything would have gone off without a hitch (except, you know, for all of those problems I mentioned already). So seriously, what was the point of making it look like he planned to steal the gold? ...Holy cow, Goldfinger is actually a really dumb movie.
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Dan Schindel loves movies more than you do. He considers it an accomplishment to have survived a year and counting in Los Angeles. Someday, he'll be the greatest critic in the world. He spent a year watching a documentary every day, so now he knows everything.