10 Alternative Films For Valentine's Day

At the school Valentine’s Day dance, young Jeremy Melton was humiliated by a group of teenage girls, which proved so stressful that he that he underwent a complete breakdown, become a delusional psychotic and signed on to appear in this film. 13 years later, the girls have flowered into Denise Richards, Katherine Heigl, Marley Shelton and Jessica Cauffiel, and Jeremy begins stalking them, leaving maggot-infested chocolates signed “JM.”

So it’s going to be pretty easy to track this guy down, right? No, because he’s had plastic surgery to look like David Boreanaz, meaning he’s able to befriend Shelton and give her some hoo-haw about being a recovering alcoholic. Even when her friends start disappearing and she receives notes that read, “The journey of love is an arduous trek, my love grows for you as you bleed from your neck”, she believes him.

In fact, there’s only one sign that Angel and Jeremy Melton are the same guy – they both suffer from nosebleeds. So when Shelton and Boreanaz are reunited in the final shot and his nose starts to bleed, the viewer wonders about an earlier where his character was drunk off his ass.

Could he even hold a knife, or would he stumble around like Scary Movie’s villain? Think about that. Never see them in the same room, do you?