10 Annoying Types of People in the Movie Theater

7. The Super-Shifter

It's not just the person who decided to sit right in front of you. It's the person who also has to live with butt cheeks that are constantly arm-wrestling, because this dude cannot sit still. He's not being affected by jump scares or geek excitement, he (she) just can't find the right position in their chair. The movie hasn't glued them to their seat, and it doesn't help that it appears that the person chose the only seat in the theater infested with fire ants and Canadian nightmares. They start, sitting regularly. Then, maybe they cross their legs. Then uncross them. Then slouch. Then turn to the left. Right. Sit back up straight. Sit forward. Shoulders push back. Left leg comes up and wraps around their own neck--I don't know. It's too busy for me to keep up. It's distracting enough, especially if you find yourself in a theater where the seats are not leveled off or are on a very timid incline. And you may not find it within yourself to move, especially if you were seated before this patron was. Be the better person and scoot over if you have to. Or seductively whisper into his ear that you like how he shakes that thang.