6. The Babysitter
You expect it in a kid's movie. You go see
Finding Nemo 3D, and you might as well bet on a crying child. Don't get enraged. While the adult should remove the kid until they've calmed down, you're at the age where this is what can be expected from shared viewing. But if you're like me, you didn't expect it in
Watchmen. When the film came out, I saw it with a group of my guy friends (and we'll get to that a bit later). Before the previews had even started, I was in casual conversation with one of them. He casually mentioned the word "*uck." We quickly heard a "Can we not use that language, please?" from behind us. We turned to find a man, probably early forties, sitting next to a little girl who must have been about four or five. My friend, who is normally very civil, looked at the man, looked at the girl, smiled and said: "You're about to grow up real fast tonight, kid." He brought his child to a rated R picture. A picture inclusive of extreme violence, language, and blue penis. I'm not one to judge parenting, so I tried to shrug it off the best I could. Until this little one, understandably, started to cry when Sky Blue Dong began to make people implode. That was scary to
me. I can only imagine what she was going through. Her father's solution? To pat her on the knee and say, "Shut up, shut up, shut up, he'll be gone soon." This happened a number of times throughout the film. Adults, find a babysitter for your mature viewings. We like to watch our sexy spandex in peace.