10 Awful 2013 Films You'll Never Watch Again

8. GI Joe: Retaliation


I have a confession to make: I hated the first Gi Joe movie. Why? Because it was boring, which is the worst thing you could ever call an action movie. The characters had no more depth than the toys they were based off of, which basically meant there was no involvement with the audience. This helped to render the action scenes pointless since it was so hard to care for any of the people on screen.

GI Joe: Retaliation follows a basic revenge-style plot we've seen in action movies time and time again. The squad is framed for stealing nuclear weapons and mostly killed off. The remaining survivors, including Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), find out that someone is impersonating the President and trying to put Cobra Commander at the head of security instead of the Joes. So of course, they team up with Bruce Willis and Snake Eyes (who, once again, is the best part of the entire movie) to infiltrate them.

Many people thought G.I Joe: Retaliation would be a step up from the first one. Several weeks before its release, it got delayed by roughly 9 months, which is never a good sign. Paramount wanted to convert it to 3D, or so they said (we may never know the full reason for the delay). It didn€™t help though because, although it wasn€™t quite as terrible as the first movie, G.I. Joe: Retaliation was hardly any better than any of the Transformers movies. It was loud and dumb, really dumb. The executives obviously assumed the audience had the brain functions of a 6 year-old.

Yes, I understand these films were based on a line of toys but that€™s no excuse to not give it your all. I€™m sure they figure people will go see it based on nostalgia alone so why even bother?


Ryan Estabrooks is a film writer/director and photographer. When he is not busy solving mysteries, he can be found working on his feature length film. You can view all of his work at the imaginatively-titled RyanEstabrooks.com