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10 Awful Movies That Opened On Independence Day Weekend

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers unplugged

Yay, independence! That's a thing that is good. Whether it's passing your driving test for the first time, or declaring yourself liberated from a country that you're at war with (and kind of owned you), we all have fond memories of becoming independent. What we might not have such fond memories of, however, are the heave-inducing stories that Hollywood bigwigs insist we stare at by way of celebration. It seems like a good idea on paper: get your friends and family over, have a BBQ, watch some fireworks and go to the cinema. Having a film open over a holiday weekend is obviously going to be big business, and I'm not suggesting for a second that if your film is a bit crappy then it's almost a 'get out of jail free' card, but... No OK, that's exactly what I'm suggesting. Here's my evidence. A note before we proceed: The actual film Independence Day starring Will Smith appears nowhere on this list - not because I'm playing with conventions, but because it's a genuinely brilliant film. There's no way you could possibly disagree.

10. Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (2011)

T By way of context, here is what Michael Bay's bombastic fan-fiction grossed when it opened on Independence Day weekend in 2011: $97,852,865. That's right. It made just shy of ninety-eight million dollars in a weekend. Now unless you're Donald Trump's window cleaner, or a psychopathic poker player, those figures are going to seem astronomical. And that's because they are. In fact, it currently holds the record for this particular holiday opening, but no amount of mathematical formulas can help you work out why. A dreary, contrived action film that somehow even managed to make explosions boring by way of over-saturation. In fact, I did the maths and it worked out to an average of one fire-bang every 90 seconds. Also, how 'Average Joe' Sam Witwicky keeps getting these underwear models should be more clearly explained, so I can copy him.
Contributor
Contributor

CiarĂ¡n Utting loves video games and books with pictures of speedboats on the cover. There's plenty more of his drivel on Twitter @CiaranUtting