10 Bad Movies Hollywood Should Remake As Comedies
6. XXX
XXX tried
to elevate Vin Diesel to the level of James Bond, throwing in snowboarding
stunts plus a bit where Diesel shoots a villain while flying through the air,
but a second viewing reveals that he isn’t playing Bond at all.
Diesel is basically The Room’s Tommy Wiseau in this movie, with people amazed by his prowess and constantly telling him how awesome he is, despite his noticeable lack of charisma. Women throw themselves at him for no reason other than he’s the male lead, the main villain both fears and respects him and whenever Diesel appears, henchmen cower and turn white with fright.
The plot involves a solar powered submarine that’s supposed to deploy a nerve agent called Silent Night (somebody angered the villain and he’s still upset or something), but it’s established that the gas becomes inert when combined with water, so all Diesel has to do is stage an underwater explosion. Which he does, then everyone proclaims him a genius and the credits roll.
Has Diesel never seen an episode of Archer?